The Bondage of Worry Revisited

People are worried about so many things today. Theses are certainly turbulent times. Last year, I wrote about worry and the toll it takes. My Sunday Journal offering today is a kind of “best of” feature which seemed well worth sharing again. Let’s stop wasting time with worry. It gets us nowhere.

Worry is a jailer who keeps us shackled. He forces us to peer ten steps ahead while reminding us of how inadequately we are prepared for what might come next. I have seen the effects of this in my counseling offices day after day for the past four decades. It manifests in substance abuse disorders, depression, anxiety, and hypochondria. But regardless of diagnosis, the result is that life (which is going on in the present moment) rushes by unappreciated. And hope is stifled. The worry prison makes sure of such things.

Worry is a liar. Studies show that most people spend anywhere from one to eight hours every day worrying about things when only 8% of those problems ever actually materialize. What a waste of time and energy! Freeing ourselves from bondage requires acceptance of this reality.

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

— Corrie Ten Boom

I'm always comforted by the way Jesus addresses worry. He gives perfect guidance to listeners in what is known as his Sermon on the Mount. In this message of how to live, pray and serve one another, he gives special attention to worry telling us simply not to do it. (Matthew 6:25-34). He asks if anyone can add a single hour to their life by worrying. Of course, the answer is a resounding NO. For if we are to be free and if we are to live fully...life demands an even more resounding YES. The fact is that our control over outcomes is limited no matter how much we would like to be in charge of them. What is required is that we do what needs to be done and address whatever concerns crop up. After that, we just have to 'Let go and Let God'.

Here is a little slogan I offer to my clients. It's a great reminder when worries show up and try to imprison us.

This is the only moment available to me. This is it. Just this.

Awfulizing the Future; Smoking Cigarettes and Watching Captain Kangaroo

The tendency to watch COVID news for hours on end is not a great idea.

Though rightfully concerned about how this bug is spreading and affecting life, most of us who are writers and media folk tend to awfulize. We can be like Chicken Little always worried and shouting that the sky's-a-falling. This makes it quite difficult to be at ease while smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo. Especially when few of us smoke anymore, and the good Captain has been gone for decades.

Our imagination can create and destroy. Boredom can dull us out or inspire. Even though many of us have become re-familiarized with singing Yankee Doodle while rubbing soap bubbles on our hands to get a good 20-second wash, the good it does mixes with my concerns about the lyrics. Sticking a feather in his hat to resemble macaroni is strange enough but what about the directive "with the girls be handy." Did Harvey Weinstein write this part? I don't think modern women could cotton to those words. See what I mean about imagination and boredom? They can run away with you.

Seriously, nobody knows what the future will bring. A myriad of graphic models offer varying apocalyptic forecasts. One chart rises and peaks, another shows a flattening curve which encourages people to restrict their contact with others. There is no doubt that quarantining will help to mitigate the pandemic. It is something we can all do to participate in the community and personal fight to slow and end this thing. However, since the future is unknown, we must focus on and deal with our lives in the here and now. Catastrophizing isn't going to help anyone. And it is incumbent upon each of us to go the extra mile to help those in need during these times. In so doing, keep the elders in mind.

We are all stuck at home in our still largely unexplored, sequestered, coronavirus reality. For us retired and semi-retired elders, the transition is perhaps less jolting than for our younger counterparts. At least as far as routines are concerned. Canceled meetings, closed restaurants, shuttered theatres, and cessation of other social gatherings are things we all miss. The sting most painful for elders is this distancing part. It stops us from seeing and hugging kids, grandkids, family members and dear friends. Like everyone else, we will adjust. But it would be nice if special, daily efforts were made to connect by phone. Email and messages are great, but we will do better if your live voices reach our ears.

Meanwhile, the deck of 51 is calling for another game of solitaire.

Wait a minute. I discovered Captain Kangaroo episodes on YouTube.  Sure enough, Captain, Mister Moose, Bunny Rabbit, and Mr. GreenJeans are there for my viewing distraction. Now, if I only had a Marlboro…

The Incredible Gift

Here it is. The gift of another moment, another hour, another day. It’s ours to have. Full of mystery and possibilities, we can share it or keep it to ourselves. We can savor it, gobble it up, or throw it away. We can thank and acknowledge God or pretend God is absent and has nothing to do with it. We can open it or not. No matter what, the gift is right in front of us to do with as we choose.

There is so much happening that we often find ourselves disconnected from each other, from ourselves and from God. Henri Nouwen says that the crisis of our time is to say that 'most of us have an address but cannot be found there'. The gifts are left at the doorstep but nobody comes to claim them. They vanish, one after another, as if stolen by thieves in the night. Lost forever.

I often think about how poignant and tragic this refusal to open the gift can be. Robert Frost wrote a verse that speaks to the loss in his "Nothing Gold Can Stay" poem so well acted out in a scene from "The Outsiders" a Francis Ford Coppola classic in 1983.

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Our wholesale failure to open that gift is obvious. We are so fragile, yet often live recklessly and plunge headlong into an abyss. This is evidenced by ever-increasing numbers of people succumbing to the opioid epidemic and shocking statistics from CDC telling us that suicide rates for ten to fourteen-year-old children tripled from 2007-2017 or the fact that police officers are at greater risk for suicide than any other profession. Hate crimes have hit a sixteen year high. And we have reached a societal and political crescendo in which expediency and lies seem to be accepted without outrage as the new normal.

There is plenty that can be done to restore the world to sanity. We can put a stop to the idea that one group has dominion over another. We can put an end to bullying and scapegoating. We can look beneath the surface of objectionable behaviors and try to understand the trauma that might be causing it. We can focus much more of our energies and resources on prevention rather than figuratively and literally putting out fires. But before any measures will work, we must develop a new understanding of our most precious gift.

Here is what must be understood in order to stem the tide of anger, sadness, and loneliness which seems to be overtaking us.

• We are not as fragile as we imagine. Any sense of hopelessness is an illusion. Richard Rohr calls this understanding a radical okayness.

• A Power Greater than ourselves is in charge. We are never alone. God is always at our side.

• In the end, only love remains. It endures when everything else fades away.

• Grasp and celebrate the moment here and now as if it was the only one that will ever be. That is reality.

I am a gift.

All that I am is something that’s given,

and given freely.

Being doesn’t cost anything.

There's no price tag, no strings attached.

~ Thomas Merton

Merton says it well. The most important thing of all is to accept and embrace the incredible and undeniable fact that you are the gift itself. When that truth sinks in, nothing will happen which can separate you from the miracle of life, the endlessness of hope, and the Wonder of God.

Forgive and Forget; How to be Fully Present

The old adage, Forgive and Forget, can present some big challenges and often proves to be pretty troublesome.

We nod our heads in somber understanding upon hearing the response 'I can forgive, but I can't forget.’ But is it really possible to forgive without an element of forgetting? Forgiveness implies a letting go of resentments which bind us to an incident of sometimes traumatic proportions. And letting go, really letting go, requires a lot. The chokehold of old grudges, while exhausting, almost becomes a part of our survival. So releasing that grip in favor of forgiveness is quite a tall order. And therein lies the problem. Forgiving, by itself, is only a partial discharge of bitterness and anger. Freedom and the ability to live fully in the present comes only when we allow ourselves to forget.

I went out this morning to watch as the full moon set and the sun rose over Florida's Gulf of Mexico. It's a ritual and joy of mine when visiting my adopted home state. I did much of my growing up in Hillsboro Beach, just north of Pompano and developed this early morning habit as a boy. There has never been one that wasn't awe-inspiring.

Today, my meditative moments were punctuated by an encounter with a Firefighter from Mississippi who had also come down to welcome the beauty and wonders. We chatted for quite a while, revealing his life-saving work and my journalism for ChaplainUSA. In turn, I asked him about how he deals with all of the trauma and how he is able to process or forget what happens in his job. I wondered aloud how he forgives those who do irreversible harm to others. This father of a young son explained that it is imperative if he is to be the kind of parent he wants to be. "You can't carry the things we see and do around with you. So you forgive and forget. It's the only way."

As the red sun broke through the horizon urging the yellow-white moon to settle back into the sea, the savvy of this heroic public servant was evident. A new day can't dawn until the old one disappears. You simply cannot forgive until you forget.

Arlen Becker, blog contributor and old friend, writes a regular thought-for-the-day. He says that "By forgiving the perceived errors of others and ourselves we are releasing our own minds of the burden of anger which is often keeping us from our joy. Forgive each time it comes up and soon it will be gone from the mind. Forgive quickly and leave the burden behind and find your happiness sooner." He is right of course. I think this forgiveness wisdom contains the essence of how to 'forget'. The first part is to disallow a resentment chokehold in the first place, never permitting it to cripple you. The second is to examine your part in an old wound and forgive yourself right along with the one who did harm, thus ending the victim/perpetrator relationship. Memories of hurt may remain, but they will have no power. The present is poisoned when the past lurks around every corner. In order to live fully, we must move on. By forgiving AND forgetting we are delivered from bondage to enjoy life here, now, and in the future.

The Bondage of Worry; Setting Yourself Free

Worry is a jailer who keeps us shackled. He forces us to peer ten steps ahead while reminding us of how inadequately we are prepared for what might come next. I have seen the effects of this in my counseling offices day after day for the past four decades. It manifests in substance abuse disorders, depression, anxiety, and hypochondria. But regardless of diagnosis, the result is that life (which is going on in the present moment) rushes by unappreciated. And hope is stifled. The worry prison makes sure of such things.

Worry is a liar. Studies show that most people spend anywhere from one to eight hours every day worrying about things when only 8% of those problems ever actually materialize. What a waste of time and energy! Freeing ourselves from bondage requires acceptance of this reality.

I'm always comforted by the way Jesus addresses worry. He gives perfect guidance to listeners in what is known as his Sermon on the Mount. In this message of how to live, pray and serve one another, he gives special attention to worry telling us simply not to do it. (Matthew 6:25-34). He asks if anyone can add a single hour to their life by worrying. Of course, the answer is a resounding NO. For if we are to be free and if we are to live fully...life demands an even more resounding YES. The fact is that our control over outcomes is limited no matter how much we would like to be in charge of them. What is required is that we do what needs to be done and address whatever concerns crop up. After that, we just have to 'Let go and Let God'.

Here is a little slogan I offer to my clients. It's a great reminder when worries show up and try to imprison us.

This is the only moment available to me. This is it. Just this.

Here and Now; Just One Moment in Time

We have one brief shining moment. And this is it. Here and now.

Do you remember how easy it was to savor those endless moments of summer when you were little? A big black ant trying to carry some ponderous treasure several times its size would captivate us. We could lay in the cool grass watching clouds in the sky finding shapes of dinosaurs (and lions and tigers and bears). Impatient parents would ask if we hadn't anything better to do. It was hard for us to imagine what in the world they were talking about. But soon enough, the languishing comes to an end. Jackie Paper no longer comes to visit Puff. We start growing up and put more value on future goals than on miracle moments. Eventually. worries about the future and regrets about the past consume us. Though, as any psychologist will confirm, something of the child remains. I've seen toughened men weep when they read or hear Rumi's poem Red Shirt;

Has anyone seen the boy who used to come here?
Round-faced troublemaker, quick to find a joke,
slow to be serious.
Red shirt, perfect coordination, sly, strong muscles,
with things always in his pocket.
Reed flute, ivory pick, polished and ready for his talent.
You know that one.
Have you heard stories about him?
Pharaoh and the whole Egyptian world
collapsed for such a Joseph.
I would gladly spend years getting word
of him, even third- or fourth-hand.

Since some of that boy or girl lingers beneath our adult busyness, maybe God is trying to implore us to reach inside for something we thought was lost. Perhaps the truth we knew so well as children is a key to living life fully. For what we have done is finished, and what we might accomplish someday only dwells in the mist. Gordon Cosby, the beloved mentor of so many servant leaders taught me that all of eternity has conspired to bring us to this very moment.

Be quiet and think about his lesson. This sacred moment is the crossroad of time, space, and eternity. They coexist as marvelous works of creation. We certainly might not perceive it during painful and tragic situations. We might not even 'get it' on a vacation beach walk at sunrise. But during this one moment in time, taken from the perspectives of each living creature, contains every one of God's brush strokes. Birth, death, love, hate, peace, war, anguish, and ecstasy are all happening here and now. And as Gordon Cosby said; "We have been waiting for you for a long, long time."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96aAx0kxVSA

It is at this crossroad, if we allow the child in us to speak of ants and clouds, that we will encounter Immanuel...God-With-Us.

God’s Dream Come True

Verna J. Dozier was a leading African American theologian and prophet who touched countless lives and transformed hearts. Her work and service were prolific.  As a teacher and Board Member of Examining Chaplains, she often spoke and wrote about the dream of God.

She believed that we have the capacity to bring forth the realization of Howard Thurman’s vision of ‘a friendly world of friendly folk beneath a friendly sky’.  She believed that God wants all creation to live together in peace, harmony, and fulfillment.  She believed that we are called to restore that dream together. I believe she was right.  In truth, how could it be otherwise?

The wounds and struggles of the past have the power to separate and destroy us.  But they also have the power to move us forward to new life, a new identity, and universal oneness.

Our suffering is what we all have in common.  It's not single-mindedness and strength that will overcome, but acceptance and shared vulnerability.  The Dream of God is attainable if we are willing to let go of our chokehold on yesterday by engaging in healing here and now.  We can start by loving where we once hated.

I think this is about the best starting point for building up the Dream of God;  A boy named Camden asked New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady at a press Q&A in Atlanta what we should do about haters.  “What do we do about the haters? We love ‘em,” said Brady. “We love them back because we don’t hate back.”  There it is…a glimmer of a friendly world of friendly folk beneath a friendly sky.

Freedom from Fear and Regret

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves…regret for the past and fear of the future.”  ~ Fulton Ourslear

When the end of life comes we will not regret the business deals that didn’t work out, sales that weren't made, or final exams we didn’t ace.  We will regret the squandered opportunities.  We will suffer the most from our failure to devote enough time to our loved ones.  We will regret our lack of attention to a skinned knee.  We will long to have the moment back when our words of criticism bruised a heart.

I have found that healing begins when we take action here and now. The way to eliminate regrets from the past and to dispel the fear of the future is to fully evaluate what really matters and pay attention to it. We will put an end to the endless repetition of mistakes by unshackling ourselves from the past and freeing ourselves from the future.  We can start by putting first things first. 

The present moment is when to make that extra effort. All we have to do is more fully avail ourselves to those important people in our lives.  Another phone call, a written card, or any added gesture that proclaims our love will wash away fear and regret as we go forward.  By making time and freely giving our gifts of love, we will discover that our resources are unlimited.  This is the next right thing to do.  Nothing is more important.

This Is It

“People who cling to the past and resist change have a hard time participating in God’s and their own future.” ~ Richard Rohr

The future is unfolding and we join in it here and now.  Full participation, looking forward while accepting the past, is absolutely necessary if we are to live out our lives in meaningful ways.  The universe is expanding in ever larger spheres and orbits.  Though this rapidly changing reality may be scary, it is undeniable.We cannot make ourselves ‘great-again’ by attempting to recreate the past.  But we can make ourselves great.  There is no turning back.  There is no standing still.  There is only moving forward.  Imagine this universe being created anew every moment…evolving, changing, and unfolding.  Who I have been is not who I am.  Who I will be is becoming.

This is the mystery and the miracle of constant union with God.  Created as co-creators, we have a responsibility and a mission to carry out our destiny.  Embrace change and celebrate life.  The future is in your hands and carried out by your efforts.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation. Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast[/et_pb_team_member][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]

Enjoy The Ride

“Life can be great…but not when you can't see it. So, open your eyes to life: to see it in the vivid colors that God gave us as a precious gift to His children, to enjoy life to the fullest, and to make it count. Say yes to your life.” ~ Nancy Reagan

I propose that the best option we have is to enjoy life with every fiber of our being.  The alternatives are bleak really, but the choice is ours to make. My personal credo for the past decade has been this; Life is a celebration. You just have to decide whether you are coming to the party or not.

There is nothing in the past that can sneak back into the present and drag you into its’ distant murky caves.  There is nothing in the future that can lift you to its’ sunny shores either.  Say ‘Yes’ to this morning.  Say ‘Yes’ to this afternoon.  Say ‘Yes’ to this evening.  Say ‘Yes’ to Life. Then loosen your tight grip and let go.  It’s your chance to embrace the moment. What are you waiting for?

“Live! Live! Live! Life is a banquet and most of you suckers are starving to death” ~ From the movie Aunie Mame

This is how I learned about loosening my grip on life.  Several years ago I was asked to go with my best friend Steve and his nephew Greg to an old, rather run down amusement park in the Smokey Mountains. It was not what I had in mind, but the kid really wanted to ride the rides. One of them was an ancient wooden roller-coaster.  It reeked of danger. But, like a good sport, I got in the seat and was buckled in.  I was holding on to the safety bar with all my might before the thing ever took flight. When Greg saw my grip he asked why I was so freaked out while just sitting there.  I was embarrassed and let go.  He said that his Uncle Steve always told him to hold his hands up in the air during the ride and that I should try it.  Not wanting to appear a chicken, I took his suggestion. It turned out to be the best roller coaster experience of my life.

So let’s all hop in…let go…and enjoy the ride! Why not? Life is Good.