The annual celebration of Mothers has come again. I have written several columns over the years about the one-of-a-kind love they give us.
The bond we share with the woman who gave us our first breath is greater than any other we will experience in life. Regardless, most of us spend a good deal of time trying to separate and set boundaries with our mothers. That could be because they seem to so gleefully relish nosing around in our business…offering unsolicited advice despite any resistance we might offer.
We might think of ourselves as adults or even as their adult children, but they don't see it that way at all. To them we are just five year olds in bigger clothing. With all of that (oft failed) limit setting in mind mothers usually aren't fully appreciated until we don't have them any more. Holidays and special occasions are never the same after they’re gone. And there is nobody to call when our knees or egos get skinned.
This Mother's Day is much like the past 32 that have come and gone without my Mom. But it's different too. We've been in quarantine for fifty-odd days and I would like nothing more than to hear Mother's voice assuring me that all will be well. I know that is true, but she’s the one I would believe in the bottom of my heart. Her life story of resilience is the gift she left to cheer me on in place of those words of encouragement, loving arms, and kisses so freely offered.
“The truth is, when our mothers held us, rocked us, stroked our heads -none of us ever got enough of that. We all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of - unconditional love, unconditional attention. Most of us didn't get enough.” ~ Mitch Albom
It’s not easy to be grateful when life seems overwhelmingly unfair. I have been around people who have pulled it off none-the-less but none more bravely than Mom. Her load in life was heavy. She married young to a wonderful guy who was charming, intelligent and athletic. They had a beautiful son, Jack, and life seemed full of promise.
Then, without warning Edgar, the love of her life, was taken away by a virus leaving her a widow and single mother. She met and married my Dad several years later. While while he was overseas fighting in World War II she gave birth to their little girl, Mary Kathryn. Mary K died of brain cancer five years later. There were good times that followed. I was born. My folks prospered. Then, in 1975, my Dad died with ALS. Jack died in 1978 by his own hand. Mother had every reason to be filled with sadness. Sometimes she was overcome by it but always found ways to bounce back. She chose to be happy. Her celebrations were lavish and fun. Kathryn is remembered by friends and family with one word proclaimed over and over. Grace. She taught us that this is how life works when we choose happiness over melancholy.
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." ~ John Lennon
I wish that Mom could have been spared the intensity of anguish in her life. I wish that I could have been a better son. That's the way it is for most of us. If only we had been more attentive and understanding. We become orphans at some point with no parent to correct our path and we yearn for mothering.
We would love to hear the words of our childhood from a mother who says “Don’t worry honey. Everything will be okay.”
Those words still resonate in our lives. They are bread for the journey. They offer a perspective of promise that we can always tap. Thanks Mom. I know. It’ll be fine.