2020 Vision of Mother's Day

The annual celebration of Mothers has come again. I have written several columns over the years about the one-of-a-kind love they give us.

The bond we share with the woman who gave us our first breath is greater than any other we will experience in life. Regardless, most of us spend a good deal of time trying to separate and set boundaries with our mothers. That could be because they seem to so gleefully relish nosing around in our business…offering unsolicited advice despite any resistance we might offer.

We might think of ourselves as adults or even as their adult children, but they don't see it that way at all. To them we are just five year olds in bigger clothing. With all of that (oft failed) limit setting in mind mothers usually aren't fully appreciated until we don't have them any more. Holidays and special occasions are never the same after they’re gone. And there is nobody to call when our knees or egos get skinned.

This Mother's Day is much like the past 32 that have come and gone without my Mom. But it's different too. We've been in quarantine for fifty-odd days and I would like nothing more than to hear Mother's voice assuring me that all will be well. I know that is true, but she’s the one I would believe in the bottom of my heart. Her life story of resilience is the gift she left to cheer me on in place of those words of encouragement, loving arms, and kisses so freely offered.

“The truth is, when our mothers held us, rocked us, stroked our heads -none of us ever got enough of that. We all yearn in some way to return to those days when we were completely taken care of - unconditional love, unconditional attention. Most of us didn't get enough.” ~ Mitch Albom

It’s not easy to be grateful when life seems overwhelmingly unfair.  I have been around people who have pulled it off none-the-less but none more bravely than Mom.  Her load in life was heavy. She married young to a wonderful guy who was charming, intelligent and athletic.  They had a beautiful son, Jack, and life seemed full of promise. 

Then, without warning Edgar, the love of her life, was taken away by a virus leaving her a widow and single mother.  She met and married my Dad several years later. While while he was overseas fighting in World War II she gave birth to their little girl, Mary Kathryn.  Mary K died of brain cancer five years later. There were good times that followed. I was born. My folks prospered. Then, in 1975, my Dad died with ALS. Jack died in 1978 by his own hand.  Mother had every reason to be filled with sadness.  Sometimes she was overcome by it but always found ways to bounce back. She chose to be happy.  Her celebrations were lavish and fun.  Kathryn is remembered by friends and family with one word proclaimed over and over. Grace. She taught us that this is how life works when we choose happiness over melancholy.

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." ~ John Lennon

I wish that Mom could have been spared the intensity of anguish in her life. I wish that I could have been a better son. That's the way it is for most of us. If only we had been more attentive and understanding. We become orphans at some point with no parent to correct our path and we yearn for mothering.

We would love to hear the words of our childhood from a mother who says “Don’t worry honey. Everything will be okay.”

Those words still resonate in our lives. They are bread for the journey. They offer a perspective of promise that we can always tap. Thanks Mom. I know. It’ll be fine.

A Mother's Love

"But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin." ~ Mitch Albom

Our mothers give us life. 

Nurtured and developed as one from our conception to birth, we spend the rest of our time separating.  We yearn for her embrace and reject it over and over.  We bless her for her kindness and protection, and then curse her for embarrassing and smothering us.  We run back to her for kisses yet flee her when we are ‘busy’.

There are so many complications in our relationships.  That same giver of life, however, never gives up on us, never grows truly weary of our bothers and always hopes and prays for us.

I have been given the great blessing of witnessing generations of mothers in my family.  My daughters have given birth to my grandsons and granddaughters.

Five years ago my wife and I went to be with my youngest after the birth of her first child, Jack.  The way she looked down at her little guy with that wondrous frown of delight, her tenderness, soothing words, pleasure in her husband, and hourly sacrifices made me remember her mother.  I see her in her Mama’s arms and something inside of me sees my mom and grandmother doing the same things through the ages.

I have experienced the transformation of my daughter-in-law as she moves from work to home summoning effortlessly the energy and happiness of raising and playing with our two granddaughters in Memphis.  Then I remember playing with my own mother and grandmother on the floor as a little one.

My dear wife mothers her children, her grandchildren, her former students and her wayward husband ceaselessly and I am awed. There is never a day that goes by without her compassionate words of encouragement.

I experienced the passing of my sister-in-law a few years ago.  Her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren grieved her loss and celebrated her life together. Her grace remains with each of them as time goes on.

On this Mother’s Day, all of this reminds me that our mothers are truly to be called blessed forever.  The love they give is more than we can ever return. So, today I will pray for all mothers.  I will remember their love that gives us life.

_______________________

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.

In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.

His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

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Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

Banner Photo by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash