Freedom from Fear and Regret
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves…regret for the past and fear of the future.” ~ Fulton Ourslear
When the end of life comes we will not regret the business deals that didn’t work out, sales that weren't made, or final exams we didn’t ace. We will regret the squandered opportunities. We will suffer the most from our failure to devote enough time to our loved ones. We will regret our lack of attention to a skinned knee. We will long to have the moment back when our words of criticism bruised a heart.
I have found that healing begins when we take action here and now. The way to eliminate regrets from the past and to dispel the fear of the future is to fully evaluate what really matters and pay attention to it. We will put an end to the endless repetition of mistakes by unshackling ourselves from the past and freeing ourselves from the future. We can start by putting first things first.
The present moment is when to make that extra effort. All we have to do is more fully avail ourselves to those important people in our lives. Another phone call, a written card, or any added gesture that proclaims our love will wash away fear and regret as we go forward. By making time and freely giving our gifts of love, we will discover that our resources are unlimited. This is the next right thing to do. Nothing is more important.
What Makes You Unique; Creating Six-Word Memoirs
Legend has it that Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response was this; “For Sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.”
Back in November 2006, SMITH Magazine asked readers to send in their own Six-Word Memoirs. They were meant to be short life stories which would be shared in the publication. So many people responded that the Six-Word Memoir project formed and grew wings. Stories have ranged from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”).The Six-Word Memoir project has become a global phenomenon and a bestselling book series. Six-Word Memoirs have been featured in hundreds of media outlets from NPR to The New Yorker and covered on tens of thousands of blogs. Hundreds of thousands of people have shared their own short life story as well as in classrooms, churches, and at live Six-Word “slams” across the world.
I have used the Six-Word Memoir project in counseling groups and as an interactive presentation for over a decade. Initially, I used it as an icebreaker but soon it became a powerful tool to inspire and encourage conversations which get to the bottom of how kids (and adults for that matter) are experiencing their lives. They disclose in six words what might have been impossible otherwise.Larry Smith recently published a book called Things Don’t Have to be Complicated: Illustrated Six-Word Memoirs by Students Making Sense of the World, published with TED Books, a division of the TED Conference. It would be a great resource for any School Resource Officer who will be making presentations to student groups (both small and large).
Kind of Group: Experiential
Group Size: 4 to Classroom Size
Purpose of Group: Team building; Community building; Relationship building; Developing individual insight;This is how it works:
Write your own Six-Word Memoir or story on the black board or white board.
When the kids have settled in, read the words to them and ask what they might think the story means.
Ask the group this question; “Can you tell your life story in six words?” Provide examples of memoirs. Some people ask the kids to add drawings to illustrate them.
Other examples are:
Not quite what I was planning
My life made my therapist laugh
The psychic said I’d be richer
Bad brakes discovered at high speeds
My happily ever after is now
Ask the kids to create their own Six-Word Memoir. Allow about ten minutes. They can sign their names or leave the work anonymous. Some folks have kids make a Six-Word YouTube video.
Your Life. Six Words.
Six Word Memoirs written by my seventh grade students at Franklin Delano Roosevelt Middle School during my student teaching experience.
Steps to writing a Six-Word Memoir (Student Directions)
Instruct the kids saying: “To narrow down your memoir to six words…start with many”
Start with a list. Take three minutes to write as many words as you can about yourself. List things you like, things you think and things you feel. Don’t worry about spelling. Don’t erase or cross out. Go for quantity. Just write. (examples; friend, happy, silly, hip-hop, sleepy, bored, band nerd, jock, secrets, girls, girls, girls, dinosaurs…)
Now circle two or three words that stand out for you. The ones you could say more about. (example from the list; silly, bored, girls)
Pick one of the three and freewrite about it. In other words, just start writing about it…Whatever comes to your mind. Don’t stop writing for about two minutes. (an example of freewrite; “I love to get silly and make people laugh. Sometimes I do it in class and get in trouble but I don’t care. One time I fell out of my seat when I tipped it backward and hit my head on Gina’s desk. Everyone went hysterical. I could be a comedian. It makes people like me”.
Simplify and synthesize the Freewrite. (example from above; My topic is “silly”. My idea is “Being silly makes me happy and popular no matter what the consequences are”).
Develop my Six-Word Memoir: “Silliness is crazy. Love me yet?”
Now ask if anyone wants to share their memoir.
Process and seek feedback from the group on any of the shared memoirs with their permission
Congratulate the kids on their work and collect the papers completed by students. Then pick three or more of the collected memoirs and read them. If they have been signed ask the student for permission to read before doing so. Process as in step 6.
Close the group by offering to meet with anyone who wants to talk about their memoir. Lighten the mood with a Six-Word Closing like;
This was cool. See ya later
Be a star. You already shine
There is a lot that can be done with the memoirs you will collect. By all means keep them. One thing is certain. Everyone will have been uplifted and will have gained some insight.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Life Is A Banquet
Springtime reminds us to begin anew, to put aside our old worn out worry, hurry and hate that we drag around from the winter chill.
“In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.” ~ Gordon B. Hinckley
The warm showers and new life offered up to us from Mother Earth, provided by a loving God, are reason enough to celebrate. We take ourselves way, way, way too seriously. There is joy and humor to be found all around us, yet so often we trudge along with heavy hearts, one-track minds and narrowed tunnel vision. We are so darned self-absorbed and preoccupied that we miss the whole thing. Political correctness stifles the laugh that stirs in our bellies. We fret excessively about offending…or being inappropriate.
Springtime reminds us to begin anew, to put aside our old worn out worry, hurry and hate that we drag around from the winter chill. There is plenty enough time to pick it back up if we so desire. Now is the time for merriment.
The thought of former Chicago Cubs third baseman, Ron Santo pops into my head when I think about finding joy in every moment. Here was a guy with every reason in the world to be a martyr and carry resentment. He had juvenile diabetes and it was the serious kind. There was never a doubt that the progression of the disease would take him out one day. Despite the gloomy prognosis, he played the game of baseball with a flourish. He was known for jumping up in the air and clicking his heels at Wrigley displaying his great exuberance for life.
"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. Live! Live! Live!" ~ Auntie Mame (1958) with Rosalind Russell
He found delight and humor in the Curse of The Cubs when a black cat circled him on third base one day in 1969. He was funny, charming and delightful as the WGN announcer despite losing both of his legs later in life. Ronny taught us that we all have trouble and afflictions...but that we should never let them get us down. Nobody ever deserved being in the Baseball Hall of Fame more than Ron Santo.
We have more than enough reason to have LOTS of fun despite our hard times. Let go and have a good belly laugh today! Life is too short to be glum.
____________________
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Mindfulness For Everyday Peace; How meditation, prayer and contemplation are shaping our world
Mindfulness is a psychological state of heightened moment-to-moment awareness through specific practices and disciplines such as meditation and contemplative prayer. It is about achieving a state of mind that is centered in the present and devoid of judgment (the past) and worry (the future).
by Robert Kenneth Jones
The practice of Mindfulness is moving the nation along a path to gentle revolution. I recently watched the 2017 documentary ‘Mindfulness Goes Mainstream’ from PBS and learned that the transformative influence of mindfulness along with Centering Prayer, yoga and other disciplined practices is spreading throughout our country. This has been brewing for a long time but is now emerging as a proven way for relieving stress, offering tools for pain management and providing techniques for increasing focus while improving productivity.Mindfulness has been embraced by America’s biggest corporations, the Armed Services, police departments, and our school systems. Evidence-based studies conclude that it is having a positive effect on personal health. It should be no surprise that these methods once limited to Eastern religions and old hippies are now being embraced by millions of ordinary people who are trying to survive an increasingly complex and hectic world.
So what is mindfulness anyway?
My personal experiences with it have led me to the following explanation; Mindfulness is a psychological state of heightened moment-to-moment awareness through specific practices and disciplines such as meditation and contemplative prayer. It is about achieving a state of mind that is centered in the present and devoid of judgment (the past) and worry (the future).Most of us begin to feel like we are spending our whole lives trying to get by. This realization seeps into consciousness somewhere around age 40. You start to develop uneasiness about the secret desperation that you have been hiding for so long. The things that were so important yesterday seem shallow and meaningless today. You look fine on the outside but are crumbling on the inside. You just know there has to be a better way to live more fully. This is when turning to mindfulness is so useful. Andy Puddicombe, the co-founder of Headspace, a digital health platform, describes the transformative power of doing just that by devoting only ten minutes a day simply by being mindful and experiencing the present moment.
Mindfulness in the Workplace
Corporations such as General Mills, Aetna, Target and Google are using mindfulness to improve innovative thinking, communication skills and more appropriate reactions to stress. They have built extensive programs to foster mindful practices among employees and have seen benefits and improvements in employee health, productivity and job satisfaction. Leadership courses have been developed which use mindfulness as the touchstone of success.
Mindfulness in the Military
The United States Marines are embracing mindfulness and report remarkable results. Marines who took an eight-week course in the basics of mindfulness recovered from stress faster following an intense training session that replicated battlefield conditions. Four platoons underwent the standard training regimen to prepare for combat. Members of the other four additionally received eight weeks of mindfulness-based mind fitness training. This consisted of 20 hours of classroom time plus homework: Participants were asked to complete “at least 30 minutes of daily mindfulness and self-regulation exercises.”The Marines were assessed at the beginning and end of the eight-week program, and again a week or so later after they completed a highly stressful, day-long training exercise at a special facility designed to replicate combat conditions. This training required them to respond to an enemy ambush.Afterward, 54 Marines who had undergone mindfulness training and 53 who did not undergo a series of medical tests. They revealed that the heart and breathing rates of the mindful Marines returned to normal faster than those of the control group members. Brain scans on a subset of 40 Marines also found differences between the two groups. Focusing on several parts of the brain implicated in cognitive control and emotion regulation, the researchers found exposure to emotional faces produced less activation. There is a reason to believe that this method of strengthening mental and emotional resilience will even reduce to incidence of PTSD for veterans.
Mindfulness in the Law Enforcement
Law enforcement officers and first responders have been engaging in mindfulness programs and practices for about ten years. In a pilot study conducted by Oregon police officer Richard Goerling and Michael Christopher of Pacific University, officers who learned mindfulness skills reported “significant improvement in self-reported mindfulness, resilience, police and perceived stress, burnout, emotional intelligence, difficulties with emotion regulation, mental health, physical health, anger, fatigue, and sleep disturbance.” This echoes some of the research from an earlier study, which found that police officers who went through mindfulness training experienced less depression in their first year of service. This approach is certainly preparing LEO’s and first responders with better ways to handle their emotional stressors in an era where they face increasing violence every day.
Mindfulness in the Classroom
Our public and private schools are using mindfulness practices to help students deal with stress, the threat of gun violence, bullying, and classroom restlessness. Two different studies were done by Cheryl Desmond, Ph.D., and Laurie Hanich, Ph.D., of middle school children who had taken the “Wellness Works in Schools” mindfulness-based course showed significant gains in self-regulation and executive function.Discipline problems become teachable moments for kids who have learned how to use mindfulness. Dennie Doran, head of the Upper School at the Nantucket New School and a teacher there has been at the school for nine years. She definitely sees a “before” and “after” effect since they began teaching mindfulness. “We have a common language from the 3-year-olds to the 14-year-olds. ‘Was that a mindful decision?’ ‘Did you think about your choice?’ ‘Stop and take a breath.’ So that by the time the lower school gets to the upper school we’re dealing with teachable moments instead of discipline problems. They’re learning self-awareness and then making choices based on that self-awareness.”Perhaps we are entering a new age in schools not rooted in hardening or softening them but in helping students and teachers to find deeper and more meaningful connections with self and others.
A few of the many benefits of Mindfulness:
Provides key elements to dealing with and fighting stress
Provides a great tool for breaking bad habits
Helps us build compassion through personal spiritual or religious experiences
Allows us to be more strategic in terms of our goals
Pope Francis relates to mindfulness and Centering Prayer as “serene attentiveness” which approaches life by being fully present to someone without thinking of what comes next, which accepts each moment as a gift from God to be lived to the full. He reminds Christians that “Jesus taught this attitude when he invited us to contemplate the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, or when seeing the rich young man and knowing his restlessness, he looked at him with love. He was completely present to everyone and to everything, and in this way; he showed us the way to overcome that unhealthy anxiety which makes us superficial, aggressive and compulsive consumers.”
Mindfulness at Home
I have found that mindfulness enables me to experience every moment. There is an ever-present opportunity to step into a moment and find peace. I have grown in deeper, loving awareness of the wonders of creation and in my connectedness with other people. I don’t live in the past or worry about the future (for the most part…I’m working on it). Gradually, I have come to believe in the truth of The Serenity Prayer and that we are all here, on earth, in the peaceful presence of the Creator. Thanks at least in part to mindfulness. So, get quiet, sit up straight, close your eyes...now take a deep breath in and let it out. There. You are on your way to practicing mindfulness.Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast