All You Need is Love

“We’ve got the gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard, or just think it’s gonna get on with itself. You gotta keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it…and nurture it.” ~ John Lennon

Love is perfect.  Even in the cloudy reflection of broken relationships, love blesses us for having experienced it at all.  Our fragile and conditional human expressions of love can cause pangs of regret and worry, but even so, without it we would be lost.  Every time we allow ourselves to become vulnerable and open to the possibilities of love, we are drawing closer to God.  Every time we let go of resentment in favor of forgiveness, we are walking with God’s hand in ours.  Every time we stop to help a child, the Spirit of God is moving in our hearts.  Love is not only perfect it is the light that dispels the darknesses which would otherwise destroy us.

We are directed to “Love God, love our neighbor and love ourselves.”  This instruction, if truly followed, provides challenges that can keep us on track throughout our lives.  We will be continually transformed.  Everything else falls into place as we love first and foremost.  This is not easy work and requires that, as John Lennon says, we really look after it and nurture it.  We must allow ourselves to be loved as well as to give love.  Love counts us worthy even when we feel unworthy.  It identifies each of us as the beloved child of God.  When we accept this, we will be able to share it with others.  Then, the love we give will be the love we get.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration, and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

How Blest are the Peacemakers

“In spite of everything I still believe people are good at heart.” ~ Anne Frank

This powerful statement of a teenage Jewish girl has inspired people to compassionate action and peacemaking since it first appeared in print over 70 years ago.  One of the most widely read books in the world, Anne Frank; The Diary of a Young Girl remains “one of the wisest and most moving commentaries” on World War II.

It seems counterintuitive to talk about war when thinking about peace and compassion. But it is impossible to understand the hunger for peace without experiencing the devastation of war.  Likewise, it is difficult to believe how really good at heart people are without experiencing a healing, loving touch when everyone else seems to have turned their backs.

I have been privileged to know or have been associated with leading peacemakers over the years. Jim Wallis, Clare Hanrahan, Steve Magin, Richard Rohr, and others have taught me that life should always be lived with the same eternal optimism as witnessed to by Anne Frank.  Even in the most difficult of situations, God is with us equally.  This family of creation is all related through a common DNA. We all come from One Source.  If we persist in our peacemaking efforts and listen to each other with loving ears and open hearts, it is inevitable that good will transform evil.  A 15-year-old girl, doomed by her circumstances, bears this out as she tells us;

"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again."  

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.

In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.

His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

The Game-Day Playbook

When we place our dependence in God, we are unencumbered, and we have no worry. ~ Coach Vince Lombardi

I often tell my clients that operating without a plan is akin to playing on a football field that has no hash marks.  You never know where you are or how much progress has really been made.  The coaches on the sidelines can only send in plays that are directed toward the end zone because the exact location of a first down can’t be determined.  The game is practically impossible to play.  Planning requires not only the element of a desired outcome, but a reasonable sense of where you stand in relation to your goal.  As soon as that is established, the plays which were sent in and executed will lead you forward.

When players huddle prior to the next play, a plan is almost always carried in from the sidelines.  Words that direct action are spoken and players break into formation.  This is critical to success.  The coach is in charge.  We can only make life plans based on limited information that we have gained by our experiences.

 So, if we really want to make our plans work, it is necessary to be still and listen to our coaches.  We must understand that we are not the masters of destiny nor are we in control of any outcomes.  God’s voice can only be heard when we take time to get into a huddle and wait to hear the next play.  When we allow time to do this the plan we have will always find a way. If we think we can play the game on our own steam, we are sadly mistaken.  We might find that it was fourth-down-and-inches when we made the wrong decision…and punted the ball away.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.

In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.

His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

Finding Your Balance

“Only actions give life strength, only moderation gives it charm.” ~ Jean Paul Richter

I was reminded yesterday that much of our religious practice can be too much about our transgressions and not enough about our fundamental goodness.  Sin is always easier to see than virtue.  Seven virtues of goodness have been referenced in scriptures.  Among these is temperance.  It is discounted and not highly prized in our rather materialistic times.  We enjoy excesses and the idea of restraint or moderation in action, thoughts, and feelings is not easily embraced.  Temperance evokes mental images of sanctimonious, boring and judgmental people who are always looking down their noses at those who celebrate.  But this is not an accurate picture really.

Temperance is about self-control and achieving balance in our affairs.  There is freedom and joy to be found in this virtue.  We do not have to be prisoners of over-working, over-consumption, and over-doing (or over-anything for that matter).  We can suck the marrow out of life without being victims of a crushing lifestyle that results in poor health, lack of spiritual connection and a sense of never having enough.  We are surrounded by rich blessings that can be appreciated fully only if we continually seek balance through moderation.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

Ubuntu; I Am Because We Are

A missionary from First Presbyterian Church in San Anselmo, California came back from an African trip and spoke to his congregation about the sense of community he found to be incredibly inspiring. 

The story he told was one that demonstrated the wisdom of cooperation and togetherness.  It is one discovered by many and carried back to Europe and The United States by authors, photographers, and filmmakers.  In a country torn by strife and a population devastated by AIDS, this hopeful tale has the ability to transform our tendency to be ruggedly independent into a new and hopeful interdependence.  It was passed on to me by my cousin, Dave Jones, who is an elder of that San Anselmo church.

An English archeologist was studying and working with a tribe in Africa.  He was interested in measuring the competitive spirit of children and devised a plan.  The man gathered fruit and goodies, tied them in a netting, hanging them on a low branch of a tree.  He told the children to form behind a line drawn in the dirt some 100 yards from the treasures.  They were instructed to run as fast as they could to the tree, and the one who arrived first could take down the prize and have it as a reward.  The command to start was given and the children joined hands, ran together, surrounded the tree, released the goodies, sat in a circle and shared its’ contents.  The anthropologist asked why, with so much starvation and such a lack of such fruit and candy in the community, one child wouldn’t rush to the netting and keep it rather for himself.  The oldest answered saying; ‘Ubuntu’ or I Am Because We Are.

Today I will bless my community with a renewed spirit of interdependence.  I will give for all that I receive.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

Summers’ Last Hope

“Why is summer mist romantic and autumn mist just sad?” ~ Dodie Smith

Many of us resign ourselves that the unofficial last day of summer falls on Labor Day.  Autumn isn’t really here yet of course.  But schools have started, pools have closed, vacations and leisure days have drifted into memory.  To me this is a time-in-between.  It is a liminal experience like twilight.  If we only allow ourselves to appreciate the transition, there might appear a new appreciation of the warmth and lusciousness we experienced while anticipating the brisk splendor to come.

The days are getting shorter and the nights longer.  It is a kind of descending. I suppose that is why a dear friend asked the other day that I not write about the end of summer yet. He reminded me that the Autumnal Equinox was still many days away.  His love of summer is well known to all of us.  But with it comes a loathing of winter.  He dreads what is coming almost to the degree that he sometimes misses Fall all together. Perhaps it is the darkness he fears as if it were the cliff edge of destruction. It represents the losses and grief he has experienced in his life.  He has had enough of both.

I told my friend there is good reason to savor the transition time of what I call Summers’ Last Hopes.  Summer will always return.  And among its’ hopes is that by letting go of the adventures of this season, we will be able to celebrate the arrival of the next. By doing so we can acknowledge who we are, and embrace who we are becoming. We are not alone.  God is with us every step of the way.

Be my trusted guide, Lord

and walk with me from the summer into fall,

walk me through the season's change

and the season changing in my soul.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.

In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.

His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

The Fruits of Our Labor

“I want it said of me by those who knew me best, that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

As we celebrate Labor Day and the ‘unofficial-last-day-of-summer’ it seems quite worthwhile to think about the work of life as described by President Lincoln. The first step in such work is to remove obstacles.  Things are never as complicated as we thought after the underbrush is cleared away and the contour of the land is exposed.  There are places good for growth and places where nothing much can take root.  We are not using our time and energy very wisely when we hammer away at an area that is barren and dark.  Backbreaking labor over the rocky ground will yield little or no future harvest.  It is better to identify the fertile spots that reveal themselves, pull the weeds that might choke out our flowers and get busy planting.

Lincoln teaches us that our lives are much like the prairie he worked as a boy and young man.  We have the best opportunity to flourish if we are willing to clear out the underbrush.  All that is required is a deep appreciation of the great gift of life.  The vision of a landscape planted and nurtured with attention to detail and recognition of fertile places mixed right along with rocky places can be magnificent to behold.  We don’t have to force life to fit into our plan.  It will usually reject those kinds of efforts anyway.  When we concentrate on cooperation and the value of our interconnectedness with all things the result will be appreciated for generations to come.  We will be remembered as people who left things better than we found them.

"Today I will celebrate the fruit of my labor and never cease working where there is a possibility of new growth."

A Change Will Do You Good

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

What would you change in the world if you had a chance?  A priest who was traveling through Grand Central Station posed this question to a woman who was slumped against a wall, homeless, friendless and ‘an empty shell’.  Her answer was that she would change her mind.  She was so filled with bitterness and an inability to forgive.  Her only desire was to let go of hatred and that by so doing, would become free.

This is the same awakening that the physician in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous discovered in his recovery from alcoholism.  He says that acceptance taught him that ‘it is not so much what needs to be changed in the world, as what needs to be changed in me’.  The one thing we have the ability to change in this world requires a huge undertaking.  For the one thing that can be changed is me.

"Repentance calls us to an inner healing that comes from choosing a new mindset, moving us in a new direction, and releasing all that holds our heart in bondage.” ~ Daniel Groody

I was privileged to hear the joys, pain, celebrations, and sufferings of my counseling patients for four decades.  Often their emotions have been hinged on the doings of family members, employers, frustrations with the government or a variety of other external events.  These all have the ability to please us or fill us with bitterness.  Not much of it is in our control.

I have learned that bitterness and resentment have a sticky quality.  That stickiness becomes more than a diversion and can become the kind of hatred that so overpowered the woman who met the priest in Grand Central.  Freedom comes when we let go of those external distractions, take responsibility, and forgive.  Then we can set a new course, follow a new star, and change our direction home.  This is the essence of a really radical awakening.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.

In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.

His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

Maybe I'm Amazed

"Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement, to look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.” ~ Abraham Joshua Heschel

Amazing! Life is filled with abundance, magnificence, and miracles.  Rabbi Abraham Heschel knew this to be true.  He was one of those incredible human beings who make us stop to wonder.  Such brilliant and selfless people as he ask us to notice and act upon splendor.  Heschel was a spiritual teacher who was in awe of every aspect of the world and its' Source.  He called for us to pay attention and then do our part to make the world a better place...in words, in personal kindness, and in works of mercy. Action was a companion to radical amazement for him. When asked why he was marching side-by-side with Dr. Martin Luther King, he responded; “I am praying with my feet.”

“There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein

Living in radical amazement is counterintuitive. When one of our prime objectives is to be comfortable, it is difficult to live in awe and wonder. In order to be radically amazed, we must develop a sense of responsibility for the life. And that’s not so comfortable. But when we accept our responsibility as co-creators of everything around us, we begin to treasure the splendor of the world and universe as wonderful gifts.  The miracles will be revealed. We will love, appreciate, and admire our own families, friends, and communities even more deeply. This is far more important than personal comfort.  Let’s become radically amazed as we look around in awe and gratitude for the indescribable magic that is everywhere and everything! When we see it is so, may we answer back with our feet.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.

In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.

His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast

What Makes You Unique; Creating Six-Word Memoirs

Legend has it that Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response was this; “For Sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.”

Back in November 2006, SMITH Magazine asked readers to send in their own Six-Word Memoirs. They were meant to be short life stories which would be shared in the publication.  So many people responded that the Six-Word Memoir project formed and grew wings.  Stories have ranged from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”).The Six-Word Memoir project has become a global phenomenon and a bestselling book series. Six-Word Memoirs have been featured in hundreds of media outlets from NPR to The New Yorker and covered on tens of thousands of blogs.  Hundreds of thousands of people have shared their own short life story as well as in classrooms, churches, and at live Six-Word “slams” across the world.

I have used the Six-Word Memoir project in counseling groups and as an interactive presentation for over a decade.  Initially, I used it as an icebreaker but soon it became a powerful tool to inspire and encourage conversations which get to the bottom of how kids (and adults for that matter) are experiencing their lives.  They disclose in six words what might have been impossible otherwise.Larry Smith recently published a book called Things Don’t Have to be Complicated: Illustrated Six-Word Memoirs by Students Making Sense of the World, published with TED Books, a division of the TED Conference.  It would be a great resource for any School Resource Officer who will be making presentations to student groups (both small and large).

Kind of Group:            Experiential

Group Size:                 4 to Classroom Size

Purpose of Group:     Team building; Community building; Relationship building; Developing individual insight;This is how it works:

1. Write your own Six-Word Memoir or story on the black board or white board.

2. When the kids have settled in, read the words to them and ask what they might think the story means.

3. Ask the group this question; “Can you tell your life story in six words?” Provide examples of memoirs. Some people ask the kids to add drawings to illustrate them.

Other examples are:

• Not quite what I was planning

• My life made my therapist laugh

• The psychic said I’d be richer

• Bad brakes discovered at high speeds

• My happily ever after is now

1. Ask the kids to create their own Six-Word Memoir. Allow about ten minutes. They can sign their names or leave the work anonymous. Some folks have kids make a Six-Word YouTube video.

Your Life. Six Words.

Six Word Memoirs written by my seventh grade students at Franklin Delano Roosevelt Middle School during my student teaching experience.

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Steps to writing a Six-Word Memoir (Student Directions)

1. Instruct the kids saying: “To narrow down your memoir to six words…start with many”

2. Start with a list. Take three minutes to write as many words as you can about yourself. List things you like, things you think and things you feel. Don’t worry about spelling. Don’t erase or cross out. Go for quantity. Just write. (examples; friend, happy, silly, hip-hop, sleepy, bored, band nerd, jock, secrets, girls, girls, girls, dinosaurs…)

3. Now circle two or three words that stand out for you. The ones you could say more about. (example from the list; silly, bored, girls)

4. Pick one of the three and freewrite about it. In other words, just start writing about it…Whatever comes to your mind. Don’t stop writing for about two minutes. (an example of freewrite; “I love to get silly and make people laugh. Sometimes I do it in class and get in trouble but I don’t care. One time I fell out of my seat when I tipped it backward and hit my head on Gina’s desk. Everyone went hysterical. I could be a comedian. It makes people like me”.

5. Simplify and synthesize the Freewrite. (example from above; My topic is “silly”. My idea is “Being silly makes me happy and popular no matter what the consequences are”).

6. Develop my Six-Word Memoir: “Silliness is crazy. Love me yet?”

7. Now ask if anyone wants to share their memoir.

8. Process and seek feedback from the group on any of the shared memoirs with their permission

9. Congratulate the kids on their work and collect the papers completed by students. Then pick three or more of the collected memoirs and read them. If they have been signed ask the student for permission to read before doing so. Process as in step 6.

10. Close the group by offering to meet with anyone who wants to talk about their memoir. Lighten the mood with a Six-Word Closing like;

• This was cool. See ya later

• Be a star. You already shine

There is a lot that can be done with the memoirs you will collect.  By all means keep them. One thing is certain.  Everyone will have been uplifted and will have gained some insight.

Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.

Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin

Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast