Freedom Against The Wind; Sailing to Joy and Happiness

The new day has dawned.

Now comes the challenge of deciding what can be done with it. How we will spend today is largely up to us. Sure, there are those who will direct our activities. We have obligations to fulfill. People depend on us to one degree or another and we are accountable. However the goal is not to acquiesce to demands or to please others. The goal is joy and happiness. This might sound a bit self-serving or hedonistic, but it is not. Far from it. All spiritual teachings point us in that direction.

“Only that day dawns to which we are awake.”

— Henry David Thoreau

So this new day calls for sorting out the inconsequential in order to live more fully toward joy and happiness. Finding the new freedom promised in that endeavor will sometimes feel like fighting against the wind. But ultimately, the same wind will fill our sails and take us to the place we have been seeking all along.

Chris, a lifelong friend of mine sent me an email recently which provided a link to an article called "Claim Freedom" by teacher Evan Mehlenbacher. It was really quite good, and I ended up subscribing to his blog. What caught me a bit off guard though was a comment Chris made about his take on my life's mission. He said that he had been 'thinking of me and my work freeing people'. Over the course of most of the past five decades, I have worked with folks who suffered childhood abuse, trauma, and addictions. The headwinds they faced were sometimes CAT 5 in strength.

At times, I veered away seeking other professions for a break, but always came back to see if I could at least help pack some sandbags. I never considered my work being about freeing people. But I guess that's exactly what I have been called to do. And in the final analysis, it is what each of us must do if we are to reach the goal of joy and happiness.

Richard Rohr has defined the role of freedom as conjoining compassion and mercy. I think this statement is true. For when we have been blessed with freedom, joy, and happiness we have an obligation to give it away to others. It cannot be contained. The only way I know how to extend such freedom, joy and happiness to others is through my shared brokenness and vulnerability. This can only result in subsequent compassion and mercy. We no longer have room for measuring and judgment. Then the new day dawns on a sea of mutuality and interconnectedness and there will always be fair winds following.

Grief and Vulnerability; So Hard to Go There

Someone once told me that vulnerability is what we most want to see in others and least want to be seen in ourselves. Becoming vulnerable can be one of the most difficult and uncomfortable experiences. Exposure of secrets, mistakes, flaws, and sins leave a person open to scrutiny which is hard to bear. We seem to be set up for all kinds of personal loss. Reputations painstakingly built up over long periods of time are rendered precarious or come crashing down in unmendable pieces. The grief which follows is almost impossible to bear.

We live in an age where it is increasingly difficult or even impossible to escape from who we are.  Rabbi Moshe Scheiner recently taught that suicide rates are increasing in adults partly due to the dynamic of transparency created by instant background checks on the internet.  Good names are destroyed every day. Children who suffer the loss of character due to perceptions of peers, bullying and cyber victimization can feel so trapped and hopeless that they consider or commit suicide. Becoming vulnerable can create the deepest feelings of shame when those whom we trust wound us. 

When we are grieving we become vulnerable.  In fact, it has been said that grief and vulnerability go together hand-in-hand.  Either can come first but neither walk alone. The word vulnerable comes from the Latin word vulnera which means to wound.  In our most wounded times, we are laid bare.  Lost is our stature and resolve.  No longer can we appear strong and self-reliant.  Our pain is visible to everyone. This begs a rather obvious solution.  Just never allow yourself to become vulnerable and then the grief would remain private. manageable, and controlled.  Voilà. Unfortunately, there is a horrible downside to that.  If we don't allow vulnerability, we will never experience authentic friendships, belonging, trust, or love. What we all have in common is our brokenness and when the risk of vulnerability is rejected true connections are impossible. If all of this is true then how could vulnerability and grief be so discouraged in our society? I guess because it is just so hard to go there.

Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581 is a painting by Russian realist artist Ilya Repin made between 1883 and 1885. The picture portrays a grief-stricken Ivan the Terrible cradling his mortally wounded son, the Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich. The elder Ivan himself is believed to have dealt the fatal blow to his son

Perhaps we could find some answers from Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, author, and popular TED Talk personality. Dr. Brown has made it her mission to explore the power of vulnerability.  She emphases how important it is to dare greatly in order to live life fully and to achieve success. And more can be discovered in the spiritual wisdom of Richard Rohr, founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation who tells us that vulnerability is the path to wholeness and holiness.

In the final analysis, we have to come to the realization that it is not only okay to grieve and to become vulnerable, but it is also necessary.  If we are to heal we must be touched.  The work can never be accomplished alone.  There are big risks associated with all of this to be certain.  But from our perceived weakness will come a new kind of strength. Not the strength of the invulnerable but the strength of love.  For, as scripture tells us, the one who stumbles "shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary," (See Isaiah 40:31).

A Time to Kneel

“A desire to kneel down sometimes pulses through my body, or rather it is as if my body has been meant and made for the act of kneeling.  Sometimes, in moments of deep gratitude, kneeling down becomes an overwhelming urge, head deeply bowed, my hands before my face.” ~ Etty Hillesum

Etty Hillesum 1939

There was a deep peace in the heart of Etty Hillesum.  She wrote extensively about her love for fellow human beings while being persecuted and awaiting the certain fate of deportation from her home in Amsterdam during World War II.  She was one of 1.1 million who died at Auschwitz concentration camp but her faith in God and people live on in the many letters and diaries she left behind. The thought that kneeling was Etty’s demonstration of awe is one that should inspire us today.

I wonder what it might be like if we all knelt a little bit more and stood tall a bit less.  The thought of making ourselves vulnerable in the kneeling position is a foreign one to us.  But the image of getting on both knees to help a child or to pray at night is universally embraced. The reverence and wonder demonstrated by such an act can only be matched by how defenseless we become in this position.  It is time for more kneeling.  It is time for becoming so open to God and each other that we are once again willing to find the common ground necessary for a cessation of all the misunderstandings and animosity which are destroying us.