Forgiving Our Families
The work of healing cannot begin until we find it in our hearts to let go. Family is a gift presented to us by a loving God.
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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes
It’s not hard to own the hurts we suffered as children and adolescents. Often, they are packed away in the suitcases that carry us away from home and out into the world.Quarrels, punishments, being discounted and being treated unfairly are taken along with all the necessities, gifts and treasures. We make promises to ourselves saying that we will NEVER treat our kids the way our family treated us. Scott Fitzgerald likens these wounds to ‘splits in the skin that won’t heal’. So we arrive at our destination, unpack, and neatly tuck them away as well earned, lifelong resentments. They become poisonous possessions.
"Sticking with your family is what makes it a family.” ~ Mitch Albom
Forgiving family members for the cruelties, meanness and injustice we suffered is not absolving them for those behaviors. A friend of mine had a difficult childhood with a mother who was filled with anger and pain. Her loving responses always came with strings attached. She was rarely fair to her little girl and often filled her with shame and guilt.My friend struggled and kept going back for more, sometimes doubting her own quality of mothering with her children. Finally, she determined to have a relationship with her mother that had clearly defined boundaries. She made a profession of forgiveness to her mother and extended forgiven-ness to herself. She loves her mother from a safe distance and has released herself from bondage.Visits back home do not allow for putdowns or guilt trips. Her family and memories as restored treasures since she emptied out the packed away resentments and claimed freedom.The work of healing cannot begin until we find it in our hearts to let go. Family is a gift presented to us by a loving God. These are the people who know us best and with whom we are most deeply connected. We must find ways to stick together._____________________[/et_pb_text][et_pb_team_member admin_label="Robert Kenneth Jones" name="Robert Kenneth Jones" position="Columnist" image_url="https://chaplainusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/robert.jpg" facebook_url="https://www.facebook.com/KenJonesBoy" linkedin_url="https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-kenneth-jones-8861183/" _builder_version="3.0.101" global_module="26968" saved_tabs="all"]Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.Contact Bob Jones on LinkedinBob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast[/et_pb_team_member][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
Tell Your Stories on Memorial Day
I encourage everyone to spend some time at family gatherings this weekend to tell folks about your adventures and misadventures, to share your memories.
“Here is your country. Cherish these natural wonders, cherish the natural resources, cherish the history and romance as a sacred heritage, for your children and your children’s children. Do not let selfish men or greedy interests skin your country of its beauty, its riches or its romance.“ ~ Theodore Roosevelt
Memorial Day weekend is here.
We are leaving in planes, trains and automobiles to celebrate the unofficial start of summer. Of course, there are more somber reasons for this holiday. The observance began three years after the end of The Civil War in response to neglected graves of soldiers who gave their lives for cause and country.The original May 30 date for ‘Decoration Day’ (as it was originally called) has been changed. We now recognize and honor all of those who died in wars and in peacetime. We put flowers on the resting places of parents, grandparents, children, relatives and friends. Memorial Day has certainly expanded.
"If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Memorial Day reminds me of who I am. Each of us comes as a reflection of generations. Our ancestors are there in the lines and creases, the smiles and the color of our eyes. Even the inflections of our speech and sense of humor belongs not only to us. I am made up of their memories. One of the things we might do on this weekend is to share those memories with family members.What a fitting time this holiday weekend is to tell stories that will honor who we are and who we bring with us. I wish I had listened more closely to the ones that were told when I was a boy. Like so many people, I wish there was a recording of Dad’s voice, his reflections on his service during the war, his perspectives on peace and stories of his childhood. I long for Mom’s recollections of being a girl and rebelling against her own mother and father.So, I encourage everyone to spend some time at family gatherings this weekend to tell folks about your adventures and misadventures, to share your memories. You may have to wrestle the younger ones to the ground, bribe them with ice cream or catch them at bedtime. But now is the time. Don’t wait because someday, someone might be happy that they listened.
Today I will start to tell my stories. I will bless my ancestors by passing them on.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Finding My Neighbor
We become neighbors when we are willing to cross the road for one another. There is so much separation and segregation: between black people and white people, between gay people and straight people, between young people and old people, between sick people and healthy people, between prisoners and free people, between Jews and Gentiles, Muslims and Christians, Protestants and Catholics, Greek Catholics and Latin Catholics. There is a lot of road crossing to do. ~ Henri Nouwen
Who is my neighbor? The question is never satisfied with a qualified answer. For some reason we struggle with it in so many ways. Gun violence and murder in our schools, Black lives matter, Blue lives matter, and a cry of #metoo all plead the same question. It has resonated in the hearts of people for more than two thousand years. It can even be found as a scriptural directive.Bishop Michael Curry told us about the great commandment of love at the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. He said; “Jesus of Nazareth on one occasion was asked by a lawyer to sum up the essence of the teachings of Moses, and he went back and reached back into the Hebrew scriptures to Deuteronomy and Leviticus and Jesus said you shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.”
The Good Samaritan shows us how to become a neighbor. He crosses the road to help a stranger and takes the risk of reaching out to a perceived enemy. The injured victim becomes a neighbor. He is given kindness and compassion by a stranger where he had been ignored or avoided by his own people. The neighbor generously rises above community expectations and common practice both in giving and receiving.Who is my neighbor today? Possibilities for an answer will be presented to us around every corner. We will have chances to cross the road on more than one occasion. That friend who has become an irritation is waiting for the hand of forgiveness. The young person who looked so threatening could use an encouraging word.The one who celebrates a religious practice unlike our own can be asked to lunch for an enlightening exchange of ideas. The person of another race seeks our genuine brotherhood. We cannot hope to receive love if we are not willing to give it. We cannot claim to be members of the human family if we do not rise above that which causes separation. We must cross the road and become a neighbor.
The world is waiting. Someday we will discover that everyone is our neighbor.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
God Shows Up
God is not a remote deity who waits grumpily on a throne of judgment to pounce on our wrongdoings and many sins.
"God could easily give you grain and fruit without your plowing and planting. But He does not want to do so. . . . What else is all our work to God—whether in the fields, in the garden, in the city, in the house, in war, or in government—but just such a child’s performance, by which He wants to give His gifts in the fields, at home, and everywhere else? These are the masks of God, behind which He wants to remain concealed and do all things.” ~ Martin Luther
I have been writing and thinking about masks this week.There are so many psychologists and philosophers who teach of our tendencies to hide behind them. Carl Jung’s concepts of individuation revolve around the integration of false and true self. Masks are the symbol of our hiding, pretending, lies and illusions. I have come to believe that there are sacred disguises…human ones, ones presented in the beauty of nature, ones revealed in stars and sky…which are the Masks of God,
Martin Luther understood that God interacts with us and shows himself in countless ways beyond our understanding. G. K. Chesterton wrote a verse about the ‘million masks of God’. Joseph Campbell told Bill Moyers that the images of God are many. He called them the masks of eternity that both cover and reveal the Face of Glory. I think this is at the heart of our existence and the center of an experience of being God’s Beloved Child.God shows up. I have seen him in the eyes of men and women in a homeless shelter in Asheville. I have been touched by him on the waiting wall by street kids in Fort Lauderdale. I have heard his cry in the voices of those who suffer addictive illness.
God is not a remote deity who waits grumpily on a throne of judgment to pounce on our wrongdoings and many sins. He not only shows up as a vulnerable and broken savior who willingly dies on a cross, but also beckons us to follow him there. He shows up as ‘angels unawares’ in ancient scripture. He reaches for our steadying hand in the person of our grandchild. When we are told that God is omnipresent, this is what they are talking about.The masks of God are everywhere. Look around. God show up. He tells us, in the words of the Prodigal Father to his resentful son; “I am with you always. Everything I have is yours.”
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
A Choice For Happiness
Work for happiness in all you do and say. You might be surprised as it abundantly rains down and all around as a result.
[et_pb_section bb_built="1"][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text _builder_version="3.2"]The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise man grows it under his feet.” ~ James OppenheimWe have choices to make. They lie before us waiting for fulfillment. Each of us has the ability to be happy and set out to make happiness happen.Despite the problems and woes that have littered life…despite the things that are looming in the distance…we can still make the decision to be happy and to create happiness around us. There is no magic formula. It is just about deciding to accept the people, places and things surrounding us as being just the way they are. We can complain and whine over our circumstances or celebrate the fact that we survived despite (or because) of them. Happiness is an inside job and the choice to recognize that truth is ours to make.
I hear people grumble so often that someone has made them unhappy. Something happened years ago which ruined their lives. Losses and tragedies have made it impossible to allow for real happiness. There is not enough money. There is nobody to love. There is no fun at work.On and on we look for happiness outside of ourselves only to be disappointed when it is fleeting. Only the false self or ego drives us to find happiness anywhere but within our own hearts. We are immersed in the real happiness for which we were created. We have the freedom to choose to allow God to be God and accept the contents of the moment as a reason to celebrate being alive.Make the decision now. Be happy. Work for happiness in all you do and say. You might be surprised as it abundantly rains down and all around as a result.[/et_pb_text][et_pb_team_member admin_label="Robert Kenneth Jones" name="Robert Kenneth Jones" position="Columnist" image_url="https://chaplainusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/robert.jpg" facebook_url="https://www.facebook.com/KenJonesBoy" linkedin_url="https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-kenneth-jones-8861183/" _builder_version="3.0.101" saved_tabs="all" animation="off" background_layout="light" global_module="26968"]Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.Contact Bob Jones on LinkedinBob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast[/et_pb_team_member][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
A Mother's Love
On this Mother’s Day, all of this reminds me that our mothers are truly to be called blessed forever. The love they give is more than we can ever return. So, today I will pray for all mothers. I will remember their love that gives us life.
"But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin." ~ Mitch Albom
Our mothers give us life.
Nurtured and developed as one from our conception to birth, we spend the rest of our time separating. We yearn for her embrace and reject it over and over. We bless her for her kindness and protection, and then curse her for embarrassing and smothering us. We run back to her for kisses yet flee her when we are ‘busy’.
There are so many complications in our relationships. That same giver of life, however, never gives up on us, never grows truly weary of our bothers and always hopes and prays for us.
I have been given the great blessing of witnessing generations of mothers in my family. My daughters have given birth to my grandsons and granddaughters.
Five years ago my wife and I went to be with my youngest after the birth of her first child, Jack. The way she looked down at her little guy with that wondrous frown of delight, her tenderness, soothing words, pleasure in her husband, and hourly sacrifices made me remember her mother. I see her in her Mama’s arms and something inside of me sees my mom and grandmother doing the same things through the ages.
I have experienced the transformation of my daughter-in-law as she moves from work to home summoning effortlessly the energy and happiness of raising and playing with our two granddaughters in Memphis. Then I remember playing with my own mother and grandmother on the floor as a little one.
My dear wife mothers her children, her grandchildren, her former students and her wayward husband ceaselessly and I am awed. There is never a day that goes by without her compassionate words of encouragement.
I experienced the passing of my sister-in-law a few years ago. Her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren grieved her loss and celebrated her life together. Her grace remains with each of them as time goes on.
On this Mother’s Day, all of this reminds me that our mothers are truly to be called blessed forever. The love they give is more than we can ever return. So, today I will pray for all mothers. I will remember their love that gives us life.
_______________________
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Banner Photo by Randy Rooibaatjie on Unsplash
A Little Help From My Friends
Our responsibility is to become the one who carries light in the darkness.
“Enveloped in Your Light, may I be a beacon to those in search of Light. Sheltered in Your Peace, may I offer shelter to those in need of peace. Embraced by Your Presence, so may I be present to others.” ~ Rabbi Rami Shapiro
The life we live contains day and night, light and darkness. We cannot have one without the other.
This is no startling revelation. Most of the time we can make it through the dark times, knowing full well they will pass. But then there are those times when it seems the light will never shine again. It feels as if we have dropped into a black hole, suspended in mid-air, and nothing will dispel our sadness and grief.
We become desperate and despondent. We sink deeper and deeper into hopelessness. Our eyes strain for some glimmer. It is then that the one who carries a candle appears. He comes to our side with words of encouragement and shows us the way to safety. Soon dawn will come and night gives way to day.
“Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself.” ~ Desiderius Erasmus
Our responsibility is to become the one who carries light in the darkness. When we have been rescued, it is our job to become a rescuer. When we have been saved, we are obligated to bring saving grace. It is far too easy to dust ourselves off, utter some words of gratitude and run along.
Experiences of great trouble and subsequent redemption are not to be wasted by simply maintaining the status quo. There is no purpose to having survived and thrived if all we do is carry on. Plenty of other people are suffering the same things we suffered. We are called to light another candle and bring it to someone who is crying in the darkness.
Live In This Sacred Moment
Everything we needed, wanted and anticipated has been awaiting our arrival.
“To let the moment teach us, we must allow ourselves to be at least slightly stunned by it until it draws us inward and upward, toward a subtle experience of wonder.” ~ Richard Rohr
All of eternity has been waiting for this moment. Life has deposited us right here, right now. We should be filled with wonder and awe. The secret is to look to this incredible moment for all that you have desired and dreamed. For these things cannot be held in yesterday’s memories. Though they may have been fully realized, that bird has flown.They cannot be found in the mist of many tomorrows. Though they are ripe with promise, they do not yet exist. Now is the time. Today is the day. Real promise is unfolding. Opportunities are presenting themselves. People are holding out their hands with gifts and offerings. Everything we ever needed, wanted and anticipated has been awaiting our arrival.
“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on earth.” ~ William W. Purkey
The sacred moment is here. Can we deny the amazing prospects that are open to us? Sure we can. But what a waste it would be. Rise and shine. The door is open! Let’s dance through it with a song of joy and hope on our lips. Now is the time to make Life Wonderful!
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Seeking Humility
No religion has a theology of pretentiousness.
“We still need to contend with the original prejudice that some people are important and others don’t count. Our ego clings to self-importance and puts us on a path that draws us further from our soul’s truth. Humility can keep us from moving into this territory.” ~ Fr. Gregory Boyle, S.J.
Humility appears to be in short supply these days. Posturing for recognition and struggling for praise are constantly on display as people in power shout that one side (our side) is better than the other. This arrogance does not align with any spiritual tradition ever practiced. No religion has a theology of pretentiousness.The humble Jesus, for example, empties himself for the sake of humankind. He does not seek validation, nor does he cling to his authority. He is willing to be mocked and sacrificed rather than accept a position of power over those who would be his enemies.But despite the directives of faith traditions, many of us have made it a mission to elevate ourselves by driving down the ‘others’. The results have not been good. So where can we find a healthy dose of humility?
"The way of God consists, first, of humility, second, of humility, and third, of humility. No matter how often you would ask me, I would say the same.” ~ Saint Augustine
One place to find humble hope is around addiction recovery circles. These folks hold a mirror up for us which reflects true humility. Their very lives depend on complete commitment to humility. In order to overcome the chronic symptoms of the disease, they open themselves to rigorous self-examination with a personal commitment to honesty.Having experienced long periods of humiliation, there is a deep desire to not go there again. By finding humility in 12 Steps, they discover the life-saving difference between it and humiliation. They cast aside false pride in favor of kinship and community. Deadly secrets are disposed of in favor of gentle honesty, transparency and acceptance. Self-seeking slips away. A friend of mine who attended a 12 Step meeting in support of someone made a statement I’ll never forget. He said after the session; “That was incredible. I think everyone should go to AA meeting.
There can be no more worries about the perspectives, opinions and attitudes that others might have when we have surrendered to a virtuous life of humility.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
The Reverence of Kindness
I wonder what it might be like, or what sort of kindnesses we might extend if we recognized God in the face of everyone we meet.
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." ~ Mother Teresa
We have the wonderful opportunity to bring a message of kindness, hope and joy where we might have inflicted damage and beaten others down in the past. We are all starved for such words and so richly blessed when we hear them.
I wonder what it might be like, or what sort of kindnesses we might extend if we recognized God in the face of everyone we meet. Can you imagine the awe we might have for one another? The reality that each of us is created in the image of God should be enough to at least give us pause.
The stranger, the wounded, and even the arrogant people would become our beloved relative. This is not some dreamy illusion but is a spiritual truth. The only thing lacking is our reverence. It is reverence that identifies the sacred. And the sacred surrounds each and every one of us.
“Kindness, I've discovered, is everything in life.” ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
Our mission is to treat each other very well. The final words attributed to Saint Francis of Assisi were ‘brothers, while there is still time, let us do good’. This means that kindness and compassion should always be our lot.
We can only do this sort of good when we are filled with reverence and awe for the very fact that the other is our relative, our dear, found relative. Kindness, gratitude and gentleness will become second nature.
Love will replace suspicion and guardedness will be exchanged for generosity. We cannot afford to waste time arguing and grasping for personal power, control and relevance. Now is the time to seek God in the present moment, in the hearts and eyes of our fellow travelers, and in the hands that long for our touch.
_______________________
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
The Self-Doubt Committee
Self doubt will slip into the recesses of our minds when we are following our better angels.
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” ~ William Shakespeare
There is a committee that meets on a regular basis inside our brains that operates as if it has a powerful mandate with the final word on the disposition of our worth. It has an agenda that allows them to tick off all of the failings, shortcomings, pitfalls, should-haves, and what-ifs.
The members argue and shout at each other about how impossible it is for us to move forward considering our total lack of ability and incompetence. Do you recognize that committee and those voices? We struggle with them every day. All too often, we listen to them like some benign CEO who fears for his job, approving their negativity with a nod and a sigh.
They are right. We could never rise to the occasion. It will be better to just plod along rather than risk another failing attempt. The problem is that the committee does not have all of the information.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” ~ E. E. Cummings
Our friends in Alcoholics Anonymous call this grouping of internal self doubters "the itty bitty sh...y committee". They find these meetings of negative thoughts actually have the power to lead them back into the horrors of addiction if given the opportunity. What is needed is an internal CEO with vision and with a silencing gavel to pound on the desk.
Each of us has the power to develop and carry out a personal mission statement. Self doubt will slip into the recesses of our minds when we are following these better angels.
We were created to serve a higher purpose than we can ever imagine. There is no time for negativity, no time for committee meetings, no reason to doubt and no reason to second guess our destiny.
Today I will pound that gavel and move forward toward my dreams!
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
The Miracle of Self-Sacrifice
There is something I want more than life itself. There is something more important.
Sacrifice is the miracle that makes great things possible.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-sacrifice is a miracle in action. There are times when our world seems to be driven by greed and selfishness. One of the most powerful things to experience is a personal observation of one who freely gives for the sake of others. This story is one we watch unfold during the Christian observance of Holy Week.Self-sacrifice is the act of deliberately following a course of action that has a high risk or certainty of suffering. We have witnessed such selfless action by our children as they cry out for an end to gun violence. They have exposed themselves at great cost. Pope Francis offered his support for their sacrifice in his Palm Sunday homily.
Such action always entails personal loss which could otherwise be avoided in order to achieve a benefit for others. It carries a powerful message saying; ‘There is something I want more than life itself. There is something more important.’We are sanctifying our actions when we make sacrifices. The drive to make a personal difference, whether by living a life of service or rising to the occasion when it becomes clear that someone must, is the essence of self-sacrifice. We trade the uncertainty of options for the certainty of gloom when we surrender to despair. Life isn't filled only with difficulty and pain. It is also filled with people whose dignity and spirit rise above their circumstances. There are situations when great sacrifice or love and wisdom turn a problem into an opportunity and strength. If we look at what has happened in our own lives and in those of others, we have ample reason to hope. This hope can change the world.
Today I will embrace self-sacrifice to make a difference!
The Sustaining Gift of Encouragement
Encouragement is the gift that keeps giving. One of the most powerful things we can possibly hear is the phrase ‘I believe in you’. It comes to us when we need it the most and rescues us from the bog of self-doubt.
“Follow your dreams. Be yourself, an angel of kindness, There's nothing that you cannot do. I believe, I believe, I believe in you.” ~ Il Divo
Encouragement is the gift that keeps giving. One of the most powerful things we can possibly hear is the phrase ‘I believe in you’. It comes to us when we need it the most and rescues us from the bog of self-doubt.Just when we think that everyone has lost faith, that we are hopelessly lost and doomed to lose, an angel appears with the words to sustain us saying ‘I believe in you’. When we hear them we receive hope, our energy is renewed and we begin to believe in ourselves again. The confidence of our resolve is restored so that we can battle the difficulties before us.
There are people who do believe in us. When times get tough it is critical that we remember the encouragement that they have given in the past. Someone has looked us in the eye saying ‘you can do it’ and then we have.We found the energy to overcome, persist and endure. We have summoned the buoyancy of resilience and finished the race. When we have doubts in ourselves or find ourselves being filled with self-criticism, it is important to replay the tapes of those who have fortified us. It is just as important to spread the words to those who are struggling along with us.How often we have the opportunity to tell someone that we believe in them and let it slip away. When we encourage each other, believe in them and affirm their journey, we shine a light for everyone to follow.
Today I will seek the counsel of those who believe in me and will encourage someone else with my believe in them.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
A Mission From God
“One of the most important spiritual disciplines is to develop the knowledge that the years of our lives are years on a mission.” ~ Henri J. M. NouwenA favorite movie of mine is ‘The Blues Brothers’ (1980) with Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi (written by Aykroyd and John Landis). There is great music, plenty of action and lots of laughs. One of the exchanges between the brothers, Joliet Jake and Elwood Blues, result in the adventure of their lives. They unwittingly find a purpose and seek redemption by saving a Chicago orphanage from foreclosure. The guys are challenged by the police and Neo-Nazi thugs along the road but ultimately overcome all obstacles. Their mission cannot be foiled.This is the famous exchange that sets them on the path;Joliet Jake: Me and the Lord, we got an understanding.Elwood: We’re on a mission from God.Elwood: It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.Joliet Jake: Hit it.Jake and Elwood become radically available. In order to accomplish their mission, they must set aside rules, fight the good fight, connect with community, make amends and redefine who they are. Redemption is not an easy process. When we engage in something greater than ourselves, there are sacrifices that must be made. Then there will be nothing that can stand between our dream and its realization. We make ourselves completely available without compromise. We join with others, keep our eye on the prize and get it done. We ‘Go for Life’ in a very big way. No more half measures. No more putting it off until later. The time is now. We are on a mission from God.
Life Is A Banquet
Springtime reminds us to begin anew, to put aside our old worn out worry, hurry and hate that we drag around from the winter chill.
“In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.” ~ Gordon B. Hinckley
The warm showers and new life offered up to us from Mother Earth, provided by a loving God, are reason enough to celebrate. We take ourselves way, way, way too seriously. There is joy and humor to be found all around us, yet so often we trudge along with heavy hearts, one-track minds and narrowed tunnel vision. We are so darned self-absorbed and preoccupied that we miss the whole thing. Political correctness stifles the laugh that stirs in our bellies. We fret excessively about offending…or being inappropriate.
Springtime reminds us to begin anew, to put aside our old worn out worry, hurry and hate that we drag around from the winter chill. There is plenty enough time to pick it back up if we so desire. Now is the time for merriment.
The thought of former Chicago Cubs third baseman, Ron Santo pops into my head when I think about finding joy in every moment. Here was a guy with every reason in the world to be a martyr and carry resentment. He had juvenile diabetes and it was the serious kind. There was never a doubt that the progression of the disease would take him out one day. Despite the gloomy prognosis, he played the game of baseball with a flourish. He was known for jumping up in the air and clicking his heels at Wrigley displaying his great exuberance for life.
"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. Live! Live! Live!" ~ Auntie Mame (1958) with Rosalind Russell
He found delight and humor in the Curse of The Cubs when a black cat circled him on third base one day in 1969. He was funny, charming and delightful as the WGN announcer despite losing both of his legs later in life. Ronny taught us that we all have trouble and afflictions...but that we should never let them get us down. Nobody ever deserved being in the Baseball Hall of Fame more than Ron Santo.
We have more than enough reason to have LOTS of fun despite our hard times. Let go and have a good belly laugh today! Life is too short to be glum.
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Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Expressing Thanks and Gratitude
It is important to set aside a little time to say a heartfelt thank you to the ones who have had an impact on the way that we live, think and believe.
“Grateful eyes look at each thing as if they had never seen it before and caress it as if they would never see it again.” ~ Brother David Steindl-Rast
There are so many people that come in and out of our lives that it is hard to keep up with them. Our busy daily rounds keep us hopping between work, family, friends, duties and other responsibilities. It is important to set aside a little time to say a heartfelt thank you to the ones who have had an impact on the way that we live, think and believe. Time can rob us of the opportunity if we are not careful and thoughtful about this effort.Among the people who shaped me was an English teacher in my junior year of high school. He was delightful. Somehow, Errett Worcester Green was able to make it fun to memorize verse. Perhaps it was his hilarious presentations of the material, his love of the language, dedication to teenagers or some special magic that he brought to us every day. Whatever it was, I learned to love poetry, Dickens, Shakespeare and school.
Mr. Green, a native of Illinois, was already 65 when I was his student, but age didn't create a generation gap between us. One of the most popular teachers at Pine Crest School in Fort Lauderdale, "Pop" Green drew otherwise sophisticated 17 year old juniors to him like a Pied Piper.We watched as he performed scenes in Hamlet, using different voices for each character. Many of us actually fell out of our chairs when he sang 'Froggy Went A-Courtin' while acting out the parts of Froggy, Miss Mousey and Uncle Rat. I discovered for the first time that learning could be exciting. As I have grown older, his lessons continue to enhance my ability to remember meaningful lines and share them with clients. My counseling sessions all have a little sparkle of Mr. Green in them as I find new ways to connect and relate.
"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives." ~ John F Kennedy
My family has heard me tell stories about E. W. Green over and over. We were in South Florida visiting my mother in 1978. I had just proudly competed a recitation of the introduction to Beowolf in Middle English which Pop had us memorize, when my wife urged me to make an effort to tell Mr. Green how much he had meant to me.
So, I picked up the phone with the intention of doing just that. His wife answered the phone. Helen W. Green taught my senior English class. Having her as an instructor was almost as wonderful as having Pop. She completed the love-of-English lessons he started by infusing even more joy but with a bit less hilarity. It was so good to hear her voice. Mrs. Green remembered me after almost ten years and proved it by asking some personal questions and reminiscing about 'her children' at Pine Crest. I told her that I wanted to talk to Mr. Green and let him know how much he meant to me. She was gracious and kind as usual but gently informed me that “Pop” had died the day before. I was devastated.
The final lesson that Mr. and Mrs. Green gave to me was an invaluable one. Never put off expressing your appreciation and love for those teachers, mentors, family members or friends who have provided important guidance for our journey. I made one of those connections today when I called Mr. and Mrs. Green's 85 year old son to let him know how his parents had influenced my life. He was so happy to hear my story. The pleasure was all mine. Thanks again Pop and Helen!Banner image: Errett W. Green and Helen W. Green
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
The Promise and Acceptance of Faith
When we are battered and beaten, God is at our side. When we fall and skin our knees, God is there to be with us. We cannot be separated. This is the truth. Faith is simply an acceptance of that truth.
“Faith’s only real demand on us is that we trustfully keep moving forward into the unknown. How things turn out in the end is not up to us.” ~ Paula Huston
Walking the path of life, while maintaining faith, can be a tricky project. There are so many distractions. Alluring temptations of power, fame, and the savory or sensational wave us in their direction. Pitfalls of disappointment, resentment, sadness and grief whisper to us that we are all alone. These interferences lead us on a well-worn trail that is ego-driven and desolate. Faith becomes a meaningless notion when the results depend upon us. After all, in the words of author Richard Leonard, SJ; “Where the hell is God?” Where is God when we are tempted? Where is God when we are full of grief? Where is God when things go wrong? Why are my prayers falling on deaf ears? Why should we have such capricious faith anyway?
God is not distant. This is the promise of faith. The experience of living in the world with the pleasures and storms which come our way can be challenging. There are no guarantees that things will be easy just because we have faith. What we have is a God who never leaves us. We can go to the depths and rise to the heights but God hangs right in there. The answer to the question ‘Where the hell is God’ comes as a gentle whisper saying; “I am with you always. Everything I have is yours.”When we are battered and beaten, God is at our side. When we fall and skin our knees, God is there to be with us. We cannot be separated. Faith is simply an acceptance of that truth.
Today I will step out with the assurance that I am not stepping out on my own. I am held in the arms of a loving God.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
Justice, Mercy and Compassion
by Robert Kenneth Jones
Banner photo by Phillip LeConte
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.
In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.
His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
The Beloved Community
God wants a humanity that is characterized by this sort of fearless love which neutralizes the power of evil and transforms it to good.
“The aftermath of nonviolence is the creation of the beloved community. The aftermath of nonviolence is redemption. The aftermath of nonviolence is reconciliation. The aftermath of violence is emptiness and bitterness.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Dr. King worked for the establishment of a Beloved Community. The Beloved Community in which love of enemies, non-violent resolution of conflicts, human dignity, peace, and freedom will overcome hatred, division, and selfishness. What a magnificent dream. His message of love stirred up controversy and he was called a rabble-rouser. His message of love made lots of enemies but he was undeterred. God wants a humanity that is characterized by this sort of fearless love which neutralizes the power of evil and transforms it into good.
Fifty years ago, Dr. King was taken from us at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis. It was such a tragic day. Violence, fear, and hatred seemed to rob us of his beloved community dream. But of course, in reality, violence never wins.
One of the most amazing peacemakers I have known rose from the ashes of that dark day in Tennessee. Clare Hanrahan, began her battle for justice and mercy when she was 18 in her home town of Memphis after the assassination of Dr. King in 1968. From then on her work has been tireless.
Though many of our generation put aside work for non-violence and the beloved community after the War in Vietnam, Clare did not stop. She has been a protester at the gates of bomb factories, has been jailed in federal prison for protesting at the School of The Americas and has stood in silent, non-violent vigils for immigrants, women and the marginalized. At age 62 she started an organization called New South Network of War Resisters. Clare recently said in an interview at her Asheville, North Carolina home, “I think we've all got to live in the light of what we feel is right action and just do that.”
One of her books, The Half-Life of a Free Radical: Growing Up Irish Catholic in Jim Crow Memphis, tells the story of her work and struggles. She has been a light for us all to follow exemplifying Dr. King’s dream and stressing alternatives to violence. Like Clare Hanrahan, we always have the option to be kind and gentle. We always have the option to let go of personal bias in favor of cooperation. We always have the option to love instead of hate. We have the chance, here and now, to exercise these options and become co-creators of Dr. King’s beloved community.
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About the Author
In a career spanning over four decades, Robert Kenneth Jones has been an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Guided by Another Easter
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell
Easter shakes us up.
It asks us to let go and let God. Easter reminds us that our lives are not our own. We clearly discover that we are not in charge. God seems to have another idea for us. It is an idea which has little to do with our own plans.Couldn’t most all of us confirm that we never planned to be exactly who we are and where we are today?Our passions and dreams are only diminished by the alluring attraction of wealth, power or even by the need for security. When we compromise, put off or set aside the fire in our bellies, the chances are good that it might be reduced to a flickering memory of what-might-have-been.
And so, we trudge ahead, doing what we are expected to do. The terrible consequence is a life lived only on the surface. We arrive at our destination and find there is nobody there to cheer for us. We take nothing with us and finish as a weary traveler. Then we simply disappear into the background.This is God's better idea. As Gods exceptional and beloved child, each of us is given special gifts and special powers unique unto ourselves. Every gift and power ignite that little fire which burns as our passion. When we pay attention to this fire it becomes bliss. We are directed by its light through darkness, rain and life storms.When true to our course, following our bliss and honoring God’s gifts we become enabled to live fully. We become instruments of God’s dream. We arrive at our destination in the embrace of a loving community. We bring all of the accumulated love with us. We are never forgotten.Easter is a time for renewal and new beginnings. We have a chance to affirm our gifts and to re-ignite our special powers. Easter sets us free. Easter renews us. Easter brings us home.“When I look through God's eyes at my lost self and discover God's joy at my coming home, then my life may become less anguished and more trusting." ~ Henri Nouwen