Thanksgiving Past; The Gift of a Perennial Message

Though my memories of childhood Thanksgivings in Central Illinois are not nearly as vivid or detailed with family lore as Christmases, they are fond all the same. We didn't go over the river and through the woods to be with the extended Jones Family in Monticello, but rather stayed in Danville and celebrated with my mother's family. Until the late 1950's the big feast was held at the Swisher Ave. home of my grandparents, Chester and Nora Baum. But they had made the decision to spend their golden Thanksgivings in Pompano Beach, Florida rather than endure the unpredictable midwestern weather of late November. So from then on we were left to our own devices. We gathered with the Glen T. Smith family either at our house or theirs. Helen Smith was Mom's sister. It was always fun and festive. Uncle Smitty was the expert of all expert turkey carvers and we always had plenty of food to take home or send along as the case might be.  Occasionally we went down to the family homestead in Indianola to be with our Sandusky cousins. They were always more fun than anyone I knew. But all of that said, there will always be one Thanksgiving from my childhood which I can never forget.

It was a week which began innocently enough. I had just turned 13 on November 17th. Now it was the 22nd. Mother and Dad were down in Florida helping my grandparents settle in to their winter digs while I was allowed to stay with my pal Scott Golden on Fletcher Ave. His house was adjacent to North Ridge Junior High School where I was in eighth grade. Everything was going fine. It was Friday with a fun weekend ahead. Then, after lunch, while I was in Art Class, the world changed and went into slow motion. There was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Allison, the librarian, whispered something to our teacher, Mrs. Gillis. She composed herself, and gave us the news that President Kennedy had been shot in Dallas. Soon the same information came over the loudspeaker from Mr. Yeazel, the principal. School was dismissed with the news of his death. I ran through the woods on a shortcut to Goldens, slipping into a cold ravine on the way. When I got to my friends house, his mother was crying in the living room. All I could think about was how awful it was to be without my parents when the world seemed to be ending. We called my mother in Florida and she promised they would fly back to Danville as soon as possible. I was so devastated and lonely.

Mom and Dad arrived at the Danville airport on Saturday night. I was never so glad to see them. We said goodbye to the Goldens and headed home. The next few days were pretty much spent in front of the television as our shocked and grief stricken nation mourned and processed. On Sunday, Dad shouted that Lee Harvey Oswald had just been shot. Mother and I were in the kitchen and came running out to see the murder replayed in front of our eyes. The next day was President Kennedy's funeral at St. Matthews Cathedral. We all watched John-John's salute. And then it was over.

Thanksgiving was only three days away. My friends in the neighborhood had started to do things outside again. There was some touch football and shooting hoops in Gary Cox’s driveway. School would be out until the next Monday. But we were all subdued. The idea of celebrating seemed out of the question. Nobody felt much like a big family gathering after all we had witnessed. So, our decision, like that of so many other families, was to keep it simple and stay at home. The 90 minute Macy Parade filled in the space where Monday's funeral procession to Arlington had been dominating our living room. Like the huge Donald Duck balloon that year, we were a bit deflated. Three people gathering around a turkey seemed rather bleak. Then my Dad, standing at the head of the table, gave us his message. It is one I'll always remember. He said;

This has been a hard week for everyone. But we will be okay. We have so much to be grateful for. We have a great country where women and men like Jack Kennedy fight and die for our freedom and way of life. Thanks to them we are safe. We have a warm home, good food, and our nice friends and family. Most of all, we have each other. Things won't be exactly the same after what happened in Dallas. But we will be okay.

And the clouds seemed to lift a little. We went down to the Sandusky/Stines on Saturday. There was a big party as always. With loving arms around us, we could be happy once again.

For the first time in history, an entire nation grieved together. It was on live TV. By grace, Thanksgiving followed. It was just the bandage we all needed to bind our wounds and carry on. Perhaps that's the simple message of this American holiday every year. Things may be rough, or even tragic. Empty chairs can be found around many tables. There have been other losses and disappointments. But then comes Thanksgiving. Ever since that first harvest celebration in 1621 of 53 Pilgrims and 90 Native People, we have been looking to the promise of new possibilities while thanking God for our rich blessings. We put aside our troubles in favor of gratitude and hope. Dad was right. With this spirit and attitude to guide us...We Will Be Okay.

Thankful for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, the bountiful harvest festival of traditional foods and the gathering of loved ones, is an American treasure. George Washington proclaimed the observation in 1789 and it was made a federal holiday by the pen of Abraham Lincoln in 1863. These dates and occasions seem important. Established in celebration of our founding democracy and resurrected at a time of national despair, Thanksgiving brings us together in good times and bad. It isn't the property of any specific religion. There aren't fireworks, or presents, or much pomp and circumstance associated with our late November assembly of family and friends. Even Macy's annual parade with all the glitter, bands, celebrities, and enormous balloons marching with Santa himself down 34th Street to Herald Square cannot define why most Americans approach this day with such eager anticipation.

Few people would say that Thanksgiving is only about a roasted turkey and scrumptious side dishes or desserts. But there is little doubt that those are pretty big drawing cards. Ensconced in my memories are seasonal smells wafting from the kitchen. Visions of long tables set for receiving amounts of food unparalleled in weight and diversity leave me almost dizzy to this very day. You could almost hear the wood groan as a final platter was heaped on the last empty spot. Homemade pies were left waiting for lack of space. I can still hear the oohs and ahhs of both young and old as the feast was unveiled. Who would have ever guessed that gravy could be poured over so many different things (like cranberries) and still taste so good! Overloaded tummies and some magical turkey protein called tryptophan kicked in to create massive amounts of melatonin which makes it impossible to stay awake. Few have any clear recollection of who won the annual holiday NFL game. Did someone change the channel to a Dog show? Or was that Toto barking at the Wicked Witch of the West?

I've come to believe that all of these things are wonderful, (even the snoring) but there is something more to Thanksgiving. It seems to me that the years’ hardships and hard work are put aside to make way for recognition of abundance no matter the size or scope of bounty on a table. We make ourselves present to one another, face to face across the festive table, as particularly vulnerable yet equally resilient. We show ourselves to be triumphant as well as humbled. Thanksgiving is a day of possibilities. For if this day can make all of these things happen, then there is hope for tomorrow. Love will surely overcome adversity. And with this in mind, I can say without hesitation that I am so very, very thankful for Thanksgiving.

This is my annual Thanksgiving Prayer and musing. Feel free to share them of course.

I pray for all of us, oppressor and friend, that together we may succeed in building a better world through human understanding and love, and that in doing so we may reduce the pain and suffering of all

Thanksgiving focuses our minds on our blessings

rather than on our problems.

It makes the heart glad for what we have been given,

and it takes our minds off the burdens we all have.

In our lives of plenty and prosperity

we seem to take most everything for granted.

How appreciative we should be for our blessings

and what a wonderful thing is a holiday

which focuses our attention on them.

Thanksgiving is just the therapy we all need

to be reminded of our blessings and the beauty of living.

Thanksgiving Departures

I am going to write about Thanksgiving gratitude and nostalgia in the coming days. Before that though, I feel the need to say in advance something that might help make this holiday a little more palatable.

The frost is on the pumpkins and the geese are getting fat.

These words combine an old English song and the poetry of James Whitcomb Riley. We were thinking about the coming Thanksgiving feast and anticipating Christmas when saying those words in mid-November back in my childhood. It seemed like everyone was going somewhere to gather with family, 'over the river and through the woods'. That hasn't changed so much except the trip to Grandma's is more likely braved on interstates and in airplanes than rural country road adventures. AAA (which we used to call Chicago Motor Club) says that "More than 55 million travelers are making plans to kick off the holiday season with a trip of 50 miles or more away from home this Thanksgiving." That’’s a bunch of turkeys in dire jeopardy

Our departures to family and friends must have a lot more to do with love than with cranberries, and pumpkin (or punkin) pie. So with all of this in mind, it is somewhat perplexing that Thanksgiving is noted as the most stressful holiday of them all.

I learned early on as a young social worker that our jobs would be most difficult around Thanksgiving. Domestic abuse of all kinds skyrocket. Drug and alcohol abuse increase as much as 33 percent. Accidents and coronary events spike. Interestingly, however, suicide rates actually fall at this time of the year. Either we are taking our frustrations out on everyone else while drinking ourselves numb, or family support gives us a sense of belonging and accountability.

I think all of these things combine to make treatment centers the busiest with new admissions after what is called our happiest holiday. Though it might seem rather sad, what a great outcome of Thanksgiving that people are confronted with their suffering and find a way to real, life sustaining and enriching help.

For the bulk of us, however, Thanksgiving joys bring with them less dramatic stressors. Getting the food prepared, tasty, and served hot is challenging enough. But this season, I have heard so many people near and dear, as well as spiritual advisors and other columnists worrying and warning about our family gatherings.

The political and religious polarization we are experiencing threatens to drive wedges and hurt feelings around dinner tables more than ever this year. Republicans and Democrats, Evangelicals and Spiritual Progressives, Pro-Trumpers and Never-Trumpers, Environmentalists and Skeptics, bring a defensive posture sometimes armed with arguments ready to explode over the green bean casserole.

I even found myself preparing a little dig for someone of an opposing belief system to mine. Finding a veiled innocent comment designed to agitate this rather aggressive person was tickling my fancy. But further reflection changed my mind. There is nothing to be gained and everything to be lost by setting the stage for a scene that would follow. Nobody would be changed. No heart would find its way to my side. And this brings me to the point of this writing about Thanksgiving Departures.

Back in those good ole days, fully recognizing that they weren't always as good as we remember, one phrase of sage wisdom about Thanksgiving and other family/friend get togethers could almost certainly get us through our gatherings this year and far into the future.

Here it is. Don't discuss politics or religion. Period. Exclamation point.

Leave them alone. I'm not saying to abandon passionate points of view and cherished belief systems at all. On the contrary, go deep, express yourself while listening carefully to the opinions of others. It is your civic responsibility. There is a time and a place for civil discourse, but not at our uniquely American annual day of gratitude. It might have been easier for The Greatest Generation to live out their cautionary message.

As Tom Brokaw has told us, they came home from war and didn't talk about their awful experiences. That probably made limited controversy around mashed potatoes a breeze in late November. So, enjoy the food. Embrace loved ones. Accept and honor differences. Have some fun telling stories of traditions, people and memories of years gone by. Then this Thanksgiving Departure free from rancor and divisiveness will long be remembered and treasured. They might even be cherished somewhere…around another table…as one of those wonderful “good ole days".

Thanksgiving Day and Lost Sheep

“Life has its problems and with these we must cope. 
Trust in God, have blind faith and never give up hope.”~ Cortez McDaniel

As Thanksgiving nears, I am thinking of Cortez McDaniel, a resident of Christ House in Washington, DC.  He is a poet, is chronically ill, and a once homeless man without much hope. He had little reason to be thankful.  But just when he was at the end of his rope, the incredible miracle of Christ House reached him.  There, he received expert medical care, safe respite, a warm bed, nurturing love, nourishing food and a place to recover.  His gentle heart was restored and life has renewed possibility.  God went in search of this lost sheep and brought him home.

Christ the Servant at Christ House in Washington, DC

We who have been blessed with comfort, work, family, friends, cars, homes and such abundance have no reason to complain.  Our annoyances, worries, and frustrations come from an illusion of scarcity and lack.  Even in our culture filled with prosperity, we often choose to see the glass half empty.  Here we are on the eve of Thanksgiving.  If tempted to complain about what we are missing this year; who failed to come to the table, what favorite dish was forgotten, or that the turkey was deep fried instead of roasted, let’s stop a minute and think about Cortez McDaniel and his friends at Christ House.  Let’s fill our hearts with the bounty of God’s grace in full appreciation.  How fortunate and blessed we are!

A lost sheep is crying out for help somewhere in your life.  Thanksgiving is a good time to go out, no matter how far it has strayed, and welcome it back home.

“A lost sheep needs a shepherd to find the way." ~ Felix Wantang