A Blessed Gift to Others; Four Themes of Love
It is virtually impossible to bless the lives of others if you can't grasp the fact that you are blessed.
That's not to say that your deeds of generosity and compassion are insignificant. It just means that they are ego driven, coming from a place of obligation, pity or even self-interest. The good news is that each of us is already blessed and has been since we were conceived. The bad news is that most of us don't believe it.
One day, while acting in my role as both diagnostic coordinator and spiritual director at a residential treatment center, a fifteen-year-old boy came to me for some counsel. He had been raised in a strict religious family and struggled to understand how he had slipped into such a dark place in his life. A runaway, he had been abused on the streets using drugs and alcohol to cope with the traumatic reality of his situation. Jacob fully engaged in the program of recovery but still felt lost spiritually. He carried deep shame over what he perceived to be his willful abandonment of God. A lecture I had given piqued his curiosity. Jacob sat in a chair across from me and fidgeted with a sobriety chip he carried in his pocket.
Finally he blurted out the purpose of his visit. He said "Dr. Bob. Would you bless me?" That was the first time anyone had asked me that question in a clinical setting. I was unprepared and somewhat unnerved. But I responded affirmatively. Having had some rather extensive religious training, I felt competent to fulfill his request.
So, I leaned forward, made a sign of the cross on his forehead and said some words about how loved he truly was. Jacob looked at me when I leaned back and said; "That's no blessing."
He stood up and I followed suit. The next thing I knew he threw his arms around me while weeping softly. I hugged him back, whispered his name in his ear, and told him he had been specifically chosen from all eternity, was forever blessed beyond his understanding with a purpose that was his alone, and that nothing could ever take those things away from him.
No matter what happened. The young man stepped back, looked me in the eyes and simply said; "Okay, That's what I needed. That’s a for-real blessing." Later, Jacob was placed with his grandparents and went on to graduate from high school. He kept in touch for awhile, but moved on as time passed. I found him on a social media page not long ago. It appears that his life is good.
According to author Henri Nouwen, there are four spiritual movements. He cites scriptural text, personal experience and religious tradition in his book "Life of the Beloved" to say that every one of us is Chosen, Blessed, Broken, and Given. I call these The Four Themes of Love. In my work with abused boys and with adults who suffer with substance abuse disorders, awakening to those themes has been a healing balm. Like Jacob, when the full realization of undeniable blessedness sinks in, life takes on a different sheen. The basis of an authentic spiritual journey always seems to have elements of these love themes.
Chosen: From the dawn of creation we are exclusively chosen by God. No exceptions. There has never been another like you and the mold has been broken. Your special gifts, talents and energy will shape the nature of the world.
Blessed: Your chosenness allows for extraordinary blessings. Recognizing and accepting the specific blessings with which you are endowed allows fulfillment of your destiny. You have been called with an individual directive for your life. There are opportunities that present themselves every day in which you can draw from your blessedness.
Broken: Our brokenness is also uniquely our own. Nobody else has had your losses, heartbreaks, difficulties or sadness. Through them we have been shaped and hollowed out. Remarkably, it is this special wounding that makes it possible to be a compassionate person. Without it we would be unable to relate to suffering. It gives us the gift of common ground.
Given: The process of being chosen, blessed and broken allow us to be wholly available and valuable to others. This is how we become able to love unconditionally. As Nousen tells us, we have to become bread for the world. Our lives will continue to bear fruit from generation to generation.
If you listen closely in the silence of your heart you will feel drawn to a small voice whispering your own name. You are beloved. The mission of your lifetime awaits you. The time is always now.
Angels Among Us
There are angels among us. They show up just in time and come in various shapes, colors and sizes.
“We are, each of us angels with only one wing: and we can only fly by embracing one another.” ~ Luciano de Crescenzo
There are angels among us. They show up just in time and come in various shapes, colors and sizes. The love and support they bring allow us to endure and overcome. We also have the ability to be angels in the lives of people that we touch throughout the day. The truth is that life is wonderful and we are all challenged to carry that news to others. An unbelievable multiplication of energy occurs when this message becomes a part of our personal mission statement. Our workplaces and organizations will become angelic forces themselves. The communities that we live in are lifted up by our shared good works.
It is certain that there is an incredible amount of good that we can do as individuals. Joining with others and networking, however, allow our efforts to reach levels that we could never achieve on our own. We move from walking a solitary path to flying in formation. Light shines in the midst of the darkness through our combined interventions. Today is a good time to seek the counsel of like-minded people. It is a good time to enlarge our efforts. And right now is a perfect time to carry the message of kindness, gratefulness and good cheer. Remember... Life is wonderful. Now there is a mission statement for all of us one winged angels to carry everywhere we go.
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse. In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers. His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast
The Self-Doubt Committee
Self doubt will slip into the recesses of our minds when we are following our better angels.
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” ~ William Shakespeare
There is a committee that meets on a regular basis inside our brains that operates as if it has a powerful mandate with the final word on the disposition of our worth. It has an agenda that allows them to tick off all of the failings, shortcomings, pitfalls, should-haves, and what-ifs.
The members argue and shout at each other about how impossible it is for us to move forward considering our total lack of ability and incompetence. Do you recognize that committee and those voices? We struggle with them every day. All too often, we listen to them like some benign CEO who fears for his job, approving their negativity with a nod and a sigh.
They are right. We could never rise to the occasion. It will be better to just plod along rather than risk another failing attempt. The problem is that the committee does not have all of the information.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” ~ E. E. Cummings
Our friends in Alcoholics Anonymous call this grouping of internal self doubters "the itty bitty sh...y committee". They find these meetings of negative thoughts actually have the power to lead them back into the horrors of addiction if given the opportunity. What is needed is an internal CEO with vision and with a silencing gavel to pound on the desk.
Each of us has the power to develop and carry out a personal mission statement. Self doubt will slip into the recesses of our minds when we are following these better angels.
We were created to serve a higher purpose than we can ever imagine. There is no time for negativity, no time for committee meetings, no reason to doubt and no reason to second guess our destiny.
Today I will pound that gavel and move forward toward my dreams!
Robert Kenneth Jones is an innovator in the treatment of addiction and childhood abuse.In a career spanning over four decades, his work helping people recover from childhood abuse and addiction has earned him the respect of his peers.His blog, An Elephant for Breakfast, testifies to the power of the human spirit to overcome the worst of life’s difficulties. We encourage you to visit and share this rich source of healing, inspiration and meditation.
Contact Bob Jones on Linkedin
Bob Jones’ blog An Elephant for Breakfast