We are a people desperate to fix things. And if they can't be fixed, the only other thing to do is throw them away. While this may be relatively appropriate for an old toaster, this strategy is sometimes applied to people who are suffering.
Sitting in the presence of another's pain, conflict, or illness is uncomfortable.
So, many of us jump in to apply bandages of advice or offer any number of bail-outs. There is something deep inside that moves us to put an end to the agony. Of course, this is good in so many ways. Each of us should recognize the call to reach out when others are wounded. But often, the underlying motivation to make things better is as self-serving as it is humanitarian. That can be an issue because it involves a myriad of quick solutions which, if unsuccessful, might lead us to throw up our hands and walk away. Worse than that, as we turn our backs, the suffering person is discarded as being beyond help.
This truth is hard to face. But it is evidenced by overcrowded brutal juvenile prisons, increasing rates of suicide, burgeoning homelessness among veterans, medical bankruptcies, and tightening of relief services by our governments. Only to name a few. If we can’t solve the problem right away, we hide it from our sight. We shun those who won’t follow our sage suggestions as hopeless.
It’s clear to many of us who serve suffering and wounded people that a reason we fail to deal with trauma and poverty of spirit is that we want to cover up our own pain. The last thing we want to do is to befriend our personal wounding and reveal our truth. Henri Nouwen, the author, professor, and priest. wrote about the reason for joining with and embracing our pain writing;
“Your call is to bring that pain home. As long as your wounded part remains foreign to your adult self, your pain will injure you as well as others. Yes, you have to incorporate your pain into your self and let it bear fruit in your heart and the hearts of others.”
Every one of us has been hurt, battered and wounded to one extent or the other. When we stop denying this and bring brokenness to light something transformative happens. We awaken to our oneness with everyone else. Befriending and incorporating our pain leads to an acceptance of the affliction that surrounds us.
Then we will stop trying to fix or escape those troubles and instead, offer ourselves as compassionate partners who fully understand. Life will take on a new luster in place of discomfort, fear, and bitterness. The result is an overwhelming sense of joy, peace, and freedom.