The Culture of Life; A Garden Entrusted to You

Darkness and death have put on a ghastly show in every theatre and on every stage around the world this year. And though many of us have joined together as beacons of peace, charity, and love, others have sulked onto the streets to argue, spread ill will, and divide. We neither have to endure nor play into the hands of haters. We can overcome evil by not tolerating it in any of its forms. It is up to us to stand as a Culture of Life which will not be crushed by politics, prejudice, and fear.

Gloom is always overpowered by light.

Years ago, my family would gather at Allerton Park near Monticello, Illinois for our annual April Birthday celebration for Grandpa Jones. The elegant mansion and manicured gardens were once the property of railroad magnate and philanthropist, Robert Allerton.

Allerton Park’s The Sun Singer

All of us children were allowed to explore and run around willy-nilly, discovering sculptures, artwork and colorful flowers. But one of the most stunning displays at Allerton was never in bloom until the middle of May.

So, sometime later in Spring my dear Aunt Beulah would take us to the park so we could walk on top of a wall overlooking thousands of perennial peonies. The gardens were just beyond the Three Graces, a Greek statue of goddesses signifying beauty. cheerfulness, and elegance bringing joy to the world.

I never left without being in awe. When we returned to Beulah's one time, I went back to Grandpa's room to ask him about the peonies and statue. He said that the Peony Garden was his favorite, as it had been for Mr. Allerton. And then he went on to say; "I think that life is wonderful and full of wonder. Spring starts with bluebells and ends with peonies. Winter never wins." Grandpa planted seeds for my faith in a Culture of Life.

The concept of a Culture of Life confirms to me that everything eventually gives way to Wonderful. I frequently write about it.  My lectures and therapy sessions with clients were filled with it.  This is a touchstone of my faith.  I can embrace that life is wonderful in part because I have experienced struggle and trouble. 

Two members of my family have lost their lives to violence.  I have learned that life is difficult even when we are not faced with a pandemic!  There is no use in denying the fact.  We win and lose, slip, fall, and triumph. People get sick and die.  Money comes and goes. This is the way it is.  My personal struggles and troubles could make me bitter or imprison me in resentment. But I’ve been down that path and refuse to travel it again. So, with all of the tragedy, how can I continue to affirm that life is wonderful?

“The wind, one brilliant day, called
to my soul with an odor of jasmine.

”In return for the odor of my jasmine,
I’d like all the odor of your roses.”

”I have no roses; all the flowers
in my garden are dead.”

”Well then, I’ll take the withered petals
and the yellow leaves and the waters of the fountain.”

the wind left. And I wept. And I said to myself:
”What have you done with the garden that was entrusted to you?””

— The Wind, One Brilliant Day by Antonio Machado

Scott Peck wrote about these difficulty of life postulating that they can become our transcendent truth when we truly see it as so. Our difficulties can destroy us or bring forth a stunning garden of compassionate delight.

I believe that we can become A Culture of Life blessed by the attributes of Three Graces only when we accept everything and everybody as being one in God’s eternal loving embrace.

Then, this Culture of Life will overcome tragedy, trials, and difficulties. The fight to comprehend why bad things happen…and the unfairness of it all…will disappear.  There will no longer be a need to blame other people, places, or situations for our problems. We will take personal and communal responsibility. Indeed, we will embrace the now-familiar phrase, "We are in this together."

Grief Transformation; Cocoons and Butterflies

We have spent a month together this May delving into grief. From the Five Stages, to coping, and even celebrating.  There is always more to say. But one point always comes to the surface, as it did for my friend Elisabeth Kübler-Ross twenty-five years after an awakening she had three miles from Lubin, Poland at Majdanek Concentration Camp in 1946. The story she told me and recounted in a short book she wrote, The Cocoon and The Butterfly, provide perhaps the best understanding of the transformative power and nature of grief.

In 1992, while helping my patient and friend, Michael, through the struggles he was having with terminal illness and alienation from his family, I had a long conversation with his mentor Kübler-Ross. Her straightforward advice was that he should come back to her ranch in Head Waters, Virginia for a retreat.  Our talk then took another turn as I asked her why she chose to work with death and dying, particularly with children, which had been the focus of her medical career.  For the first time, EKR elaborated with me about her life.  Her initial one-word-response was this; "Butterflies." Then she went on to tell me a story.

In 1946, Elisabeth, one of three triplets born to her parents in Zurich, Switzerland, had at age 19, decided that she would become a physician.  World War II had ended in Europe the year before.  Elisabeth told me she felt compelled to join the International Voluntary Service for Peace in an effort to help decimated communities and provide assistance to countless refugees.  It was her visit to Majdanek Concentration Camp that changed everything.  The SS killed tens of thousands of an estimated 90,000 Jews deported to Majdanek.  Three gas chambers were used to choke the life out of prisoners, many of them women and children.  It was in the children's barracks and at one of the gas chambers that Elisabeth saw the butterflies.  She was sorting shoes on the floor of one of the gas chambers when she noticed the drawings.  Children had used their fingernails and rocks to carve butterfly images on the walls.  Hundreds if not thousands of the etchings were in the barracks as well.  She was shocked, shaken, and bewildered.  How could these little people, condemned to forced labor and death find a place in their hearts to draw butterflies....and Why? Though she did not have an answer, EKR made a decision then and there to become a psychiatrist and to work with children who were suffering and terminally ill. It was in 1971, as she recounted, after sitting at the deathbeds of many hundreds of children that her answer to the Holocaust puzzle came.  She told it to me in these words;

"The little ones were no longer in cocoons.  Now they were butterflies.  They would be set free from the hellish concentration camp. No longer prisoners of their bodies.  No more torture. No more separation from their mothers and fathers.  This is the message they were leaving for me and for all of those left behind.  I have used the image of the butterfly for the past twenty years to explain the process of death and dying."

The pain and suffering of horrific losses have the power to change us and to shape our lives like no other force.  After we descend into the darkness there will come a possibility of liberation.  We see this in the lives of people like Elie Wiesel, a child survivor of concentration camps, who went on to "combat indifference, intolerance, and injustice through international dialogues and youth-focused programs".  We witness the incredible work of John Walsh whose little son Adam was brutally murdered in Fort Lauderdale at the hands of a child molester.  John has gone on to expose every kind of crime as he advocates for justice with his television shows and writings.  Of course, there are many more like Elisabeth, Elie, and John.  They each have been transformed, taken from predictable lives, thrown into a cave of darkness, and have emerged with wings.  They point us to the possibility of new beginnings. They also give us a message that there is something more. Like the children of Majdanek, they signal to us that there is something more powerful than death.

When a caterpillar begins to spin her cocoon the most incredible things begin to happen.  Woven into what appears to be a shroud, the little creature starts a cycle of death.  Then, in an unexplainable moment, it becomes a goo of nothingness.  From that goo, a form appears and new creation begins to take shape.  Soon, with an incredible struggle that empowers its wings, a butterfly breaks forth from the cocoon.  She loosens, exercises, and then flies into the sky.  What a miracle.  So it is for each and every one of us.  EKR saw it happen without exception when her young patients transitioned from life.  As she was so fond of saying; "Life doesn’t end when you die. It starts.”

With Gold Dust at My Feet

“Grab your coat, and get your hat, leave yourworry on the doorstep.  Just direct yourfeet, to the sunny side of the street.” ~ Dorothy Fields

The lyrics from ‘On the Sunny Side of the Street’ were composed by Jimmy McHugh with lyrics by Dorothy Fields in 1930 as the world was plunging into the Great Depression.  The words gave hope and were heard across the country for years.  The song became a jazz and big band standard.  It is widely believed that the stock market crash of 1929 was a symptom of deeper and more systemic problems than the events leading up to the epic day it all tanked in September.  The nation certainly did not leave worries on the doorstep.  Instead, we entered into a period of isolationism which included punitive tariffs.  The result was catastrophic.

Lessons of the Great Depression and theoptimism of ‘On the Sunny Side of the Street’ are available to each of us inour own struggles.  Hard times come andthey also go.  We can choose to isolate,withdraw, protect ourselves at the expense of others and hide with our head in thesand, or we can choose to connect with families, friends and the community.  We can absolutely find ways to help oneanother, and persist with an optimistic ‘Can-Do’ attitude.  Of course, no good comes from ignoring theproblems that we have.  Things areresolved by taking a positive approach toward solutions.  But we need each other to make ithappen.  Let’s reach out and lend a hand.

“No pessimist ever discovered the secret ofthe stars, or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the humanspirit.” ~ Helen Keller