Simple Advice for Coping with Adversity.
You don't have to look around much to find a hefty supply of adversity nowadays.
But it’s how we meet and overcome it that makes all the difference. The best formula I know of has been passed down for generations in my family. Roy Jones was a lifelong educator whose message to his many descendants about living a balanced and happy life was this; "Don't Worry. Don't Hurry. Don't Hate.”
““Don’t Worry. Don’t Hurry. Don’t Hate.””
There were plenty of hard times, economic depressions, two world wars, and deaths of children that Roy experienced over his long life. It certainly wasn't a cakewalk. This is one of the defining examples of Grandpa’s ability to rise above adversity, My cousin, Ed related a tragic story to us at a recent family gathering. Ed was only 19 when he found Uncle Paul’s body in his bedroom. A gun in his hand, our dear uncle had taken his own life. Ed ran to the home of our family doctor who came to the house and pronounced him dead. Dr. Green said that he would go with Ed to tell our grandfather of the horrible incident. Grandpa Jones, over 80 years of age, met them at the door and received the bad news. His tearful response was this; “How could Paul do that? Life is wonderful.” In the moment of greatest suffering Grandpa could only claim the marvel of God’s generosity and the bounty of a life lived with gratitude. There was simply no value in worry, hurry, or hate.
Though we face some difficult situations right now, I can assure you they won’t hang around forever. Gloom and doom projections will have dissipated like fog on the ocean sunrise. An old friend of mine once said; "Things come to pass, not to stay." He is right of course. The trick of coming out better on the other side is to make a conscious decision every day. Don't Worry. Don't Hurry. Don't Hate. You might be surprised at how well things turn out after all.
For more information about Stress Management: Doing What Matters in Times of Stress: An Illustrated Guide is a stress management guide for coping with adversity.
Life to the Fullest; Five Ways to Accept the Presence of Fear
How do we live life to the fullest knowing that the tentacles of fear might reach out and sting us at any time? Here are five ways to do just that.
This is the fourth and final follow-up article on the many facets of fear including a four-part Interview/Special Report with Rabbi Moshe Scheiner of Palm Beach Synagogue. This specifically refers to my journal entry entitled Freedom From Fear.
Fear mongering in the media and by politicians are ramping up again as the 2020 election season descends upon us. We will be barraged with mythological statistics about increasing crime rates, danger from immigrants, and on and on. Then there is that ugly face of fear which shows up as a 19-year-old California State University San Marcos student opened fire at a San Diego-area synagogue, Congregation Chabad in Poway, on the last day of Passover. An 18-year-old girl terrorizes the Littleton community twenty years after the horrific Columbine school shooting. Area-wide schools closed in anticipation of what might happen. At the same time, openly gay candidate for President, Mayor Pete Buttigieg was verbally attacked at a rally by people screaming about the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah.
Fear is ever-present for those who have experienced extreme trauma. In such cases, terror can show up with the sound of a loud noise, an unanticipated touch, in a smell, a sight or holiday gathering. Vivid memories are triggered of combat, tragic loss, and physical, emotional or sexual abuse, What happened in the past crashes into the here-and-now.
We must understand and accept that fear will always be with us. It walks hand in hand with what we have lost or might lose. It lurks in dark corners of the unknown. It is used by the powerful to manipulate the powerless. There won't come a time when it is gone forever.
"We choose joy in all its constant delighting" ~ Gregory Boyle
How do we live life to the fullest knowing that the tentacles of fear might reach out and sting us at any time? Here are five ways to do just that:
- Stand up. Reject media exploitation. Combat fear-mongering by writing the networks and protesting their actions. Turn off the TV. Limit the amount of time you will spend watching the news. You won't miss much. Read a good book.
- Take 10. Devote ten minutes daily for a meditation routine to connect with that Power greater than yourself (and greater than fear). Understand that you are infinitely loved. Every spiritual discipline or religion tells us to 'be not afraid'. Finding your quiet center and focusing on intentional deep breathing will build a calm inner awareness and provide much-needed perspective.
- Work it out. Twenty minutes a day of some sort of exercise is essential for good physical and mental health. You don't have to go to a gym. A walk outside is just the medicine.
- Take down the walls. So many locks, alarm systems, and cameras have been installed to protect us and our 'stuff'. I wonder how effective they are in the long run. They certainly tell us that there is some stranger out there who wants to inflict loss. In order to eliminate this fear, find a way to connect with the people who frighten you. Volunteer at a shelter or outreach center for troubled teens. You will find that there is not so much that separates us.
- Use Grandpa's Motto. Roy Jones told how to reduce or eliminate fear by using the motto he practiced every day of his 97 years. "Don't Worry. Don't Hurry. Don't Hate." The spirit of wisdom and optimism that flows from these words when used as a kind of mantra provide a directive for living life fully. Try it on for size and spread the words around like peanut butter (even if you ARE allergic to peanuts).
God’s Dream Come True
Verna J. Dozier was a leading African American theologian and prophet who touched countless lives and transformed hearts. Her work and service were prolific. As a teacher and Board Member of Examining Chaplains, she often spoke and wrote about the dream of God.
She believed that we have the capacity to bring forth the realization of Howard Thurman’s vision of ‘a friendly world of friendly folk beneath a friendly sky’. She believed that God wants all creation to live together in peace, harmony, and fulfillment. She believed that we are called to restore that dream together. I believe she was right. In truth, how could it be otherwise?
The wounds and struggles of the past have the power to separate and destroy us. But they also have the power to move us forward to new life, a new identity, and universal oneness.
Our suffering is what we all have in common. It's not single-mindedness and strength that will overcome, but acceptance and shared vulnerability. The Dream of God is attainable if we are willing to let go of our chokehold on yesterday by engaging in healing here and now. We can start by loving where we once hated.
I think this is about the best starting point for building up the Dream of God; A boy named Camden asked New England Patriot quarterback Tom Brady at a press Q&A in Atlanta what we should do about haters. “What do we do about the haters? We love ‘em,” said Brady. “We love them back because we don’t hate back.” There it is…a glimmer of a friendly world of friendly folk beneath a friendly sky.