It is virtually impossible to bless the lives of others if you can't grasp the fact that you are blessed.

That's not to say that your deeds of generosity and compassion are insignificant. It just means that they are ego driven, coming from a place of obligation, pity or even self-interest. The good news is that each of us is already blessed and has been since we were conceived. The bad news is that most of us don't believe it.

One day, while acting in my role as both diagnostic coordinator and spiritual director at a residential treatment center, a fifteen-year-old boy came to me for some counsel. He had been raised in a strict religious family and struggled to understand how he had slipped into such a dark place in his life. A runaway, he had been abused on the streets using drugs and alcohol to cope with the traumatic reality of his situation. Jacob fully engaged in the program of recovery but still felt lost spiritually. He carried deep shame over what he perceived to be his willful abandonment of God. A lecture I had given piqued his curiosity. Jacob sat in a chair across from me and fidgeted with a sobriety chip he carried in his pocket.

Finally he blurted out the purpose of his visit. He said "Dr. Bob. Would you bless me?" That was the first time anyone had asked me that question in a clinical setting. I was unprepared and somewhat unnerved. But I responded affirmatively. Having had some rather extensive religious training, I felt competent to fulfill his request.

So, I leaned forward, made a sign of the cross on his forehead and said some words about how loved he truly was. Jacob looked at me when I leaned back and said; "That's no blessing."

He stood up and I followed suit. The next thing I knew he threw his arms around me while weeping softly. I hugged him back, whispered his name in his ear, and told him he had been specifically chosen from all eternity, was forever blessed beyond his understanding with a purpose that was his alone, and that nothing could ever take those things away from him.

No matter what happened. The young man stepped back, looked me in the eyes and simply said; "Okay, That's what I needed. That’s a for-real blessing." Later, Jacob was placed with his grandparents and went on to graduate from high school. He kept in touch for awhile, but moved on as time passed. I found him on a social media page not long ago. It appears that his life is good.

According to author Henri Nouwen, there are four spiritual movements. He cites scriptural text, personal experience and religious tradition in his book "Life of the Beloved" to say that every one of us is Chosen, Blessed, Broken, and Given. I call these The Four Themes of Love.  In my work with abused boys and with adults who suffer with substance abuse disorders, awakening to those themes has been a healing balm. Like Jacob, when the full realization of undeniable blessedness sinks in, life takes on a different sheen. The basis of an authentic spiritual journey always seems to have elements of these love themes.

1. Chosen: From the dawn of creation we are exclusively chosen by God. No exceptions. There has never been another like you and the mold has been broken. Your special gifts, talents and energy will shape the nature of the world.

2. Blessed: Your chosenness allows for extraordinary blessings. Recognizing and accepting the specific blessings with which you are endowed allows fulfillment of your destiny. You have been called with an individual directive for your life. There are opportunities that present themselves every day in which you can draw from your blessedness.

3. Broken: Our brokenness is also uniquely our own. Nobody else has had your losses, heartbreaks, difficulties or sadness. Through them we have been shaped and hollowed out. Remarkably, it is this special wounding that makes it possible to be a compassionate person. Without it we would be unable to relate to suffering. It gives us the gift of common ground.

4. Given: The process of being chosen, blessed and broken allow us to be wholly available and valuable to others. This is how we become able to love unconditionally. As Nousen tells us, we have to become bread for the world. Our lives will continue to bear fruit from generation to generation.

If you listen closely in the silence of your heart you will feel drawn to a small voice whispering your own name. You are beloved. The mission of your lifetime awaits you. The time is always now.